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Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.
#enquiries #tourist #information #office #city #period
The line graph gives information about, the amount of questions
arrived
Verb problem
received
show examples
 by the Tourist Information Office in a city from
January
 to
June
 in 2011.
Overall
, there are three methods to
recive
Correct your spelling
receive
 questions from tourists( in
persone
Correct your spelling
person
 - by letter/email or by phone). the most popular method was in person, and it
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 a quick rise in six months.
In contrast
,
Correct article usage
the letter
show examples
letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters
show examples
/
email
Fix the agreement mistake
emails
show examples
was go
Change the verb form
went
show examples
 down.
On the other hand
, telephone
enquire
Replace the word
inquiries
show examples
 fluctuated before rising
at the end
 of the period. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
enquiries in person, between
January
 and March, the line graph shows
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 from less than 500 to 800 enquiries,
then
jumbed
Correct your spelling
jumped
 to around 1300 till
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 the highest at around 1900 in
June
.
In contrast
, enquiries by letter/email,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
started
under
Change preposition
at under
show examples
 800
then
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decreased slightly between
January
 and March before
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
 to less
400
Change preposition
than 400
show examples
 enquire in May,
then
 staple to
June
 at the same figure.
Finally
, inquiries by telephone, it was fluctuated from
January
 to March,
then
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 staple at 1000 to April, before
jumbed
Correct your spelling
jumping
 to 1400 in May and
keep increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 slightly to 1600 by
June
.
Submitted by halah.z.alamri on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words january, june with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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