IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices= decisions on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

In a rapidly evolving global landscape, the phenomenon of
children
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's
behavior
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behaviour
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 has garnered significant attention, prompting a plethora of viewpoints among scholars and the general populace. Proponents may suggest that the right of
children
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 to make decisions about their everyday activities offers numerous advantages and better results,
while
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 opponents contend that a different opinion exists.
However
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, in my firm conviction, both perspectives must navigate the issue judiciously before postulating a definitive conclusion. To commence, advocates may propose that a better finding has been observed with young people who have the right to decide about their everyday activities, leading to substantial personality development. A social report has been released by an official institution; the report stated that parents should enable their
children
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 to decide whatever they like, which will allow their personalities to develop appropriately and to a great extent.
Moreover
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, adherents may assert that mental health is crucial and should be considered in that matter.
For example
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, parents can aggravate the mental health issues of their
children
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 by controlling their daily life choices,
according to
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 health recommendations.
On the other hand
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, parents have the role of harnessing the
overall
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 critical thinking of their
children
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 by providing essential support and help.
Conversely
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, critics may propound that the restriction of
children
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's actions is crucial and paramount. They highlight the potential pitfalls resulting from the unrestricted raising of young people,
such
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 as egotistical
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 and insatiable desires. In conclusion, we live in a time where
the
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apply
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conflict about the best approach to raising
children
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 is common. Yet, people are
also
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 passionately developing solutions and remedies to address
this
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 issue. Some of them may argue that it is crucial to allow
children
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 to decide about their daily decisions,
while
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 others contend
otherwise
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. I believe that we need coordinated efforts between both sides and rely on a more comprehensive approach
for
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to
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 raising our
children
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 in an appropriate environment.

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task achievement
While your essay provides a complete response to both views and your own argument, strive to integrate more specific examples to support your points. Specific examples add depth to your arguments and provide clearer connections to the real world.
coherence cohesion
Though logical structure and coherence were well-maintained, some sentences could benefit from simpler language to enhance understanding. This will help ensure that your main points are both clear and accessible.
task achievement
Your essay presents a well-balanced consideration of both perspectives on the issue of allowing children to make their own decisions. This balance demonstrates strong critical thinking skills.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-written. They clearly articulate the scope of the essay and effectively summarize your arguments.
task achievement
The use of official reports and the mention of health recommendations add credibility to your arguments, showcasing an effort to ground your points in factual evidence.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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