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Band 6.5

Many people say that the only way to guarantee to get a good job is to complete a course in university education. Other claims that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?

#people #guarantee #job #course #university #education #claims #work #school #gain #world
People have divergent opinions about whether
students
 should attend university to complete a course or enter the workforce to gain experience.
While
 some argue that it would be better for
students
 to get a Bachelor's
degree
 before starting to
work
, I believe that having
work
 experience is of paramount importance. Undeniably, a university
degree
 plays a pivotal role in a career. Not only could the required courses enhance individuals’ knowledge, but
also
 increase their professional skills.
Students
 become more specialized in their major and
thus
 have deeper thoughts about future jobs.
In addition
, some prestigious enterprises set a high educational background standard for the people they hire.
As a result
, people who obtain a university
degree
 will have a higher chance of getting decent employment. On the flip side, there are several benefits to getting employed soon after leaving school. It is imperative to equip
students
 with the ability to face the challenges in
this
 modern society. Books and classes can neither provide a real-world model nor create a workplace environment. What’s more, it is better to first have a comprehensive knowledge of the skills that are necessarily needed in the workplace. A case in point is that
students
 often find out the courses that they had studied are completely irrelevant to the future
work
 content after spending four years to get a
degree
. In conclusion, there is no doubt that // a
degree
 can help
students
 to become more competitive, but I think the experience of
work
 is highly beneficial because it is more realistic and practical.
Submitted by lyc435937 on

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task response
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt and discusses both views in a balanced manner, supporting a preference for work experience.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the ideas are logically organized throughout the essay.
lexical resource
There is a good range of vocabulary used, but some words or phrases could be replaced with more precise or academic language.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and sentence structure, but there are occasional errors in agreement and word choice.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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