IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
Nowadays, much
information
 can be easily accessed on the
internet
. It is stated that all
information
 should be public in scientific research, business, and the academic world.
However
, some
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that being too important or too priceless,
information
 should not be generally given out. Personally,
information
 is too dangerous to be in everyone's hands if it is distorted. Having access to every data on the
internet
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be used in the wrong way. To start with, it definitely is useful if citizens can access scientific and academic knowledge or any other general
information
. People are able to help themselves without having to look for any
further
information
 at the library if everything was put on the research on the
internet
.
For example
, if a family member is ill, types of medicine that would cure the symptoms will pop up rapidly on the
internet
 after searching, without having to ask a doctor at the hospital.
Therefore
, some
information
 should not be easily accessed prior to its risks.
Due to
 distortable data,
fault
Replace the word
faulty
show examples
information
 can be given out to people. Even though there are loads of filtered systems to identify fault data published on the
internet
, some can be slipped out to the public. To give an example, if a citizen had found that toothpaste can cure burnt wounds on the
internet
 and they decided to trust it without knowing that it is not usable, they could do harm to themselves or others. In conclusion, it is convenient to be able to find useful
information
 on research and the
internet
.
On the other hand
, despite relying on
information
 found on the
internet
, some
information
 should not be shared freely. People would receive
fault
Replace the word
faulty
show examples
information
 without them noticing if the
information
 was distorted, resulting in doing harm to themselves and the community.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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task achievement
Include a clear thesis statement that expresses your own opinion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are fully developed and supported with clear examples or explanations.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary and phrases to avoid repetition.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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