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Writing Samples
Band 8

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #adults #behaviour #changes #differences #children’s #place
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Passing from childhood
life
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 to adult
life
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 involves significant
changes
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 in societal treatment. In
this
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 essay, I will point out some of those crucial
changes
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,
as well as
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 the extent to which these
changes
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 are beneficial. The reasons for
this
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 are as follows. One significant change that takes place with ageing is the decrease in the level of reliance on other
people
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.
According to
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 research done in 2019, 9 in every 10 children rely on other
people
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 quickly and easily, as is obvious when making friends with their peers or connecting with other strange adults.
Whereas
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, getting older makes
people
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 reluctant to trust and cautious when relating to others.
Moreover
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, financial and societal status have the least importance for children,
while
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this
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 is
such
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 a substantial factor for adults when making friends.
Finally
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, I feel that
people
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 at younger ages have a simpler attitude toward
life
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's issues. Admittedly, I believe that these
changes
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 are essential and will be beneficial to
people
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 in later
life
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. Of course,
such
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 a childish attitude towards
life
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 seems comfortable;
however
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, imagine the disadvantageous consequences that would occur if
people
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 continued to trust strangers easily.
Nonetheless
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, I would contend that some of these
changes
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 are negative. Overemphasizing financial and societal status prevents
people
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 from making friends based on mutual goals and objectives, leading to loneliness and other social challenges. In accordance to a report by the World Health Organization in 2020, social isolation among adults has risen significantly in recent years, partly
due to
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 the growing tendency to base relationships on materialistic criteria. By way of conclusion, getting older may be accompanied by positive or negative modifications to social behaviours. I think holding educational campaigns warning parents about these
changes
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 would be justified.
Submitted by golriiz.azizi1991 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points, such as personal anecdotes or well-documented cases.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth flow between paragraphs by connecting ideas more seamlessly, possibly using transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
Presented a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay addressed the prompt comprehensively, highlighting key differences between childhood and adulthood social behavior.
task achievement
The essay contains insightful observations about changes in social behavior from childhood to adulthood.
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