Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is widely believed that
students
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can excel in their academic careers if they are rewarded for their efforts rather than punished for their failures. I firmly believe that a reward system is an ideal approach to facilitate an effective learning environment.
This
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essay will discuss both points of view. The first point of view suggests that
students
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should be appreciated for their performance. Numerous studies suggest that individuals perform efficiently when provided with positive feedback, as they often feel valued for their efforts and hard work.
For example
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, when
students
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are praised for a well-researched assignment by their teachers, they are often motivated to work harder and perform even better next time. Rewarding
students
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could potentially encourage them to strive for improvement, ultimately helping them to perform exceptionally well in school. The second point of view suggests that punishing
students
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for their poor performance could positively impact their academic careers.
However
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,
this
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approach can instil fear among
students
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rather than motivate them to perform better.
For instance
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, if a student fails a test and is punished by their teacher, they might work only to pass the next test to avoid
punishment
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, rather than focusing on excelling.
Therefore
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, rather than motivating
students
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,
punishment
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could cultivate fear among them. In conclusion, by cultivating a reward system, teachers could establish an educational setting where
students
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are motivated to perform better.
However
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, if they are inclined towards
punishment
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, they would cultivate a fear-based environment where
students
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focus on dodging
punishment
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rather than improving their performance.

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task achievement
Try to provide more examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use linking words to connect your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure all points discussed in the essay directly support your main argument. Sometimes the ideas can be clearer.
positive
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and previews the main points.
positive
You effectively argue against punishment, discussing its negative impact on students' motivation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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