IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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It is argued that in various rustics a number of individuals die from certain diseases because they are unable to buy medicines for them because the price of the tablets is not in their range.
However
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, I have strong faith that
companies
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 play a crucial role in saving the lives of humans who are suffering from the disease by selling their
products
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 at pocket-friendly rates. I will
further
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 elaborate my point of view in
this
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 essay below.
To begin
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 with, most
people
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 die because of poor health system
due to
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 poverty they can not afford the expense of hospitals and their medications
due to
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 which about 90% suffers in most of the Asian regions.
For example
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, in Pakistan, every person is
anemic
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anaemic
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 patient and vitamin-deficient.
Moreover
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, they do not have money to eat how can they buy medicines that are at sky-high rates? Perhaps
companies
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 can perform their duty here and give rates that are affordable for them so they can look after their health
as well as
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 their loved ones.
In addition
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, these traders
also
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 help their nations by producing
products
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 that are good and easily accessible for everyone and one can get the privilege of having
such
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products
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.
For instance
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, the health system,
as well as
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 the
companies
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 in most of the European nations, are creating
such
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products
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 that are in the range and everyone can buy it easily and their
products
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 are
also
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 exported in different states as well
this
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 is the plus point for not only the
people
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 but
also
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 for the economy of the country. In conclusion, it is true that
people
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 in underdeveloped countries suffer a lot and struggle with some diseases that can be curable. So, it's the duty of the pharmaceutical
companies
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 to decrease the rate for the
people
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 that they can buy easily.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and does not effectively address the prompt. Make sure to include an introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points. Each paragraph should focus on one clear idea and provide supporting evidence. Develop your ideas more fully.
task achievement
Your response lacks specific examples to support your arguments. Try to provide specific details and examples to illustrate your points.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is basic. Expand your vocabulary and use more academic and formal language. Additionally, work on sentence structure and coherence.
grammatical range accuracy
There are several grammatical errors in the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and sentence structure. Proofread your work carefully.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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