In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you thunk the advantages of owing a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, many citizens had their own smartphones, which caused an argument
due to
their usage. This
writer believes that the benefits of searching for information
and forming relationships between people
outweigh the disadvantages relating to health.
Starting with the advantages, it is clear that
using mobile phones
makes life a lot more convenient. For example
, it is possible to contact friends, colleagues and family in just a few seconds at any time of the day or from any location. Also
, mobile phones
can be used to access a wide variety of data applications such
as Camille and social networking sites such
as Twitter or Facebook. This
is a benefit because people
are able to interact online at all times. Finally
mobile Add a comma
Finally,
phones
give security and peace of mind to parents who are able to contact their children easily.
Exploring knowledge is also
considered. The Internet is a lived encyclopedia, individuals find out all the information
by searching on it. Take students for an example, they can know more about any categories and the methods of calculation if they use Google or Microsoft Edge and then
easily get the information
to present or to gain their study. Therefore
, technological devices, specifically smartphones, bring humans to achieve the pinnacle of knowledge.
On the other
hand
many Add a comma
hand,
people
believe that there are some clear disadvantages. Firstly
, mobiles can make people
anti-social as they spend more time looking at their phone
than at each other. Fix the agreement mistake
phones
Moreover
, many people
can become addicted to using smartphone apps, and this
can have an effect on their mental and physical health such
as their eyesight. It can also
affect young people
whose studies or work may be affected by over use
of their Correct your spelling
overuse
phones
.
Taking all into consideration, the benefits of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages of health problems because of its vast sources of information
and connection. Hence
, people
should take advantage of smartphones as much as possible, but not overuse them.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is sound with a clear introduction, body and conclusion. However, further enhancement of transitional phrases and coherent paragraphing could improve the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively encapsulate the main argument, which is excellent. Ensure that your conclusion summarizes all your points without introducing new ideas for best practices.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported; to strengthen your essay further, consider expanding on each point with more detailed examples and avoid general statements.
task achievement
You provided a complete response to the task, presenting a clear position throughout your essay. Continue to focus on directly answering the question prompt to maintain task achievement.
task achievement
The essay displays clear and comprehensive ideas. To advance your score, aim for more depth and complexity in your arguments.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant; however, for a higher band score, you should offer a variety of specific and detailed examples to support each point fully.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?