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Writing Samples
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some country includes a relatively large number of young adult, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #country #adult #people #situation
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In today’s modern world, the increasing
number
Use synonyms
 of
youth
Use synonyms
Rephrase
apply
show examples
then
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 the elderly
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 has emerged as a prominent phenomenon in regions.
While
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 opponents argue that the presence of
adults
Use synonyms
 brings
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
significant benefits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the community, other proponents contend that having
balance
Add an article
a balance
show examples
 between age categories is indispensable to avoid
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 burdens on the authorities.
This
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 essay will discuss both views, and I believe that the prevalence of
youth
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surpass
Change the verb form
surpasses
show examples
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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older
Change preposition
of older
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. To embark on, it is undeniably that the
vartiey
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variety
 in age stages
in
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is
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 essential for the
society
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. It is absurd to decide which age category should be
abundoned
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abundant
 in the community.
while
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 elderly
people
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 play an imperative role in
society
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, owing to their wide range of life experience and offering family bonds, their increasing proportion in
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 considerably could give
arise
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rise
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 to
further
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hindence
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hindrance
.
For example
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, it has been proven that a vast majority of
people
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 over
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then
Replace the word
than
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 60 years are afflicted by chronic diseases,
such
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 as diabetes, heart diseases and
Alzahimar
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Alzheimer
. That, in turn,
pose
Correct subject-verb agreement
poses
show examples
 a constraint on
Correct article usage
the
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country’s
sevices
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services
,
such
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 as healthcare amenities,medication and other
family’s
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family
show examples
 strains.
Thus
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, the
overpopluation
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overpopulation
 of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 presents
nigativities
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negativities
.
To
Change preposition
In
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 sharp contrast,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
it is acknowledged that the increasing
number
Use synonyms
 of
youth
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 has a positive impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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.
In other words
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, it is
presumeably
Correct your spelling
presumably
 that youngsters at
this
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 early stage, have vigorous capabilities, long-term
furture
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future
Fix the agreement mistake
aspirations
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aspiration
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aspirations
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, aptitudes and
propects
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prospects
 to work, all contribute to influence progressively in the community. Another advantage
for
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of
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proliferation
Add an article
the proliferation
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 of
adults
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, they play a dynamic role in
vibrance
Correct article usage
the vibrance
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 of environment in the
society
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. For
enstance
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instance
show examples
,
retails
Wrong verb form
retail
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 brands, clubs,
campaigns
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campaign
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activites
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activities
, entertainment avenues,
restuarants
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restaurants
 and shopping centres all have a profound reliance on
youth
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, and their primary target toward
adults
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. Acting as immense
advantagements
Correct your spelling
advancements
 in trade exchanges and national income.
That is
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 why, the
number
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 of young
adults
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provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 substantial benefits.
To conclude
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, it is arguably that the availability of
youth
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 is a vital factor in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societ
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society
,
due to
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 the marvellous merits result from them to the
coutry
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country
country's
 development.
Conversely
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,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
number
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 of older
people
Use synonyms
exacerbate
Correct subject-verb agreement
exacerbates
show examples
 additional disadvantages and I believe the advantage of increasing
Use synonyms
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
show examples
 population outstrips the older
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by alaan0542 on

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