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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many wild birds and animals live in towns and cities. Some people think that the wildlife should be protected. Some think that they should be removed. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#birds #animals #towns #cities #people #wildlife #think
Urban life is relatively a modern phenomenon compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human existence on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Earth.
Cities
 accommodate various breeds of
animals
 and birds,
along with
 being the cradle of human life. A
group
 of people argue that they
shall
Verb problem
should
show examples
 be preserved,
while
 others believe that it is best to eliminate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban
wildlife
. Both sides have strong arguments and I strongly side with preservation but under full control of authorities. One of the most important reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the pro-elimination
group
 is human well-being and
health
. Wild
animals
 and birds cause
spreading
Correct article usage
the spreading
show examples
 of infections or diseases that are mutual between human and their breed. Rodents,
for instance
,
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 the widespread
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
plague all across the European regions
some-hundred
Correct your spelling
some hundred
show examples
 years ago, and people had to miserably remove them from their habitats. In
this
 regard, the
city-dwellers'
Correct your spelling
city-dwellers
health
 is
under
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a serious risk of
mass
Add a missing verb
being mass
show examples
 infectious. Those who advocate the
presence
 of
animals
 in urban areas,
on the other hand
, have various reasons, namely moral issues, or keeping biodiversity in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of preserving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature. For many, it is morally wrong to kill or harm other living creatures. They think that they have the right to live as much as
us
Change the pronoun
we
show examples
 humans do.
Furthermore
, there are a large
group
 of people who
understands
Correct subject-verb agreement
understand
show examples
 the
importace
Correct your spelling
importance
 of keeping
wildlife
 in the
cities
. In fact, a healthy cycle of
wildlife
 in urban regions promotes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
. Take cats as an example; if they were preserved well and present in the course of
European
Correct article usage
the European
show examples
 plague outburst, rodents would have had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lower chance of spreading the microbe. So,
pro-preservation
Add an article
the pro-preservation
a pro-preservation
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 strongly recommend
to keep
Change the verb form
keeping
show examples
animals
 in the city. Frankly, I prefer keeping the
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
 in the
cities
, near ourselves
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
show examples
 their
presence
. It is important to keep an eye on the number of each species and control their
health
 status. Many
cities
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 Istanbul, have
health
 programs for their urban dogs.
Such
cities
 make sure dogs are vaccinated or the number of wild mice in the city is limited
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they can not harm human lives. Urban
wildlife
 is an inseparable part of
cities
Change noun form
the city's
show examples
 environment, so it is vital to take action against or for their
presence
. Both campaigns have great ideas, but I think a controlled version of keeping
animals
presence
Replace the word
present
show examples
 is the best way to answer
moral
Fix the agreement mistake
morals
show examples
, keeping biodiversity, and
health
 issues.
Submitted by farzam.dowlati on

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coherence cohesion
Add more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Provide a stronger and more explicit opinion in the introduction.
grammatical range accuracy
Proofread for grammar and spelling errors.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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