Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The topic of increasing
sports
facilities in order to improve health is controversial. Some people argue it is effective Use synonyms
while
others disagree and believe it's useless. In my view, there are better methods to enhance public health.
On one hand, many diseases require a better lifestyle that can be improved by doing Linking Words
sports
, Use synonyms
for example
, 70% of US citizens suffer from diabetes type two which appears mostly in elders. Linking Words
Additionally
, one way to treat Linking Words
this
sickness is by doing Linking Words
sports
every single day in order to maintain the sugar rate in the blood. Use synonyms
Moreover
, Linking Words
sports
as a treatment is Use synonyms
also
recommended for people with heart disease because it results in enhancing their blood cycle. Linking Words
Therefore
, having these facilities will benefit the public in beneficial ways.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, Linking Words
this
method isn't useful for others, Linking Words
in particular
, blind people or individuals diagnosed with cancer. Research indicates that 60% of the world's population suffers from cancer, Linking Words
consequently
, engaging in physical activities is not the best option for them. Linking Words
Hence
why, there should be other measures that should be taken into consideration. Linking Words
For instance
, investing in developing medical artificial intelligence to create a solution for sickness that can't be treated with exercise. Linking Words
Such
as in China where a way to cure skin cancer has been discovered with the help of advanced technology.
In conclusion, fitness activities can benefit public health but not considerably because numerous medical challenges require a different approach.Linking Words
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task achievement
While you have included relevant examples to support your main points, more detailed examples or additional evidence could further enhance your argument. Consider adding more specific data or studies to substantiate your claims.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are crystal clear and thoroughly explained, particularly in the sections discussing the negative aspects of increasing sports facilities. Consider elaborating more on why sports might not be suitable for certain groups.
coherence cohesion
Maintain coherence by ensuring each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Use linking words or phrases to ensure the transition between paragraphs is smooth.
task achievement
You have effectively tackled both sides of the argument by presenting a balanced analysis. This demonstrates a thorough understanding of the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The inclusion of relevant examples, such as the diabetes case and the reference to technological advances in China, strengthens your arguments and reinforces the essay's overall message.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.