Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #measure

The topic of increasing

sports

facilities in order to improve health is controversial. Some people argue it is effective

while

others disagree and believe it's useless. In my view, there are better methods to enhance public health. On one hand, many diseases require a better lifestyle that can be improved by doing

sports

for example

, 70% of US citizens suffer from diabetes type two which appears mostly in elders.

Additionally

, one way to treat

this

sickness is by doing

sports

every single day in order to maintain the sugar rate in the blood.

Moreover

sports

as a treatment is

also

recommended for people with heart disease because it results in enhancing their blood cycle.

Therefore

, having these facilities will benefit the public in beneficial ways.

On the other hand

this

method isn't useful for others,

in particular

, blind people or individuals diagnosed with cancer. Research indicates that 60% of the world's population suffers from cancer,

consequently

, engaging in physical activities is not the best option for them.

Hence

why, there should be other measures that should be taken into consideration.

For instance

, investing in developing medical artificial intelligence to create a solution for sickness that can't be treated with exercise.

Such

as in China where a way to cure skin cancer has been discovered with the help of advanced technology. In conclusion, fitness activities can benefit public health but not considerably because numerous medical challenges require a different approach.

Submitted by shadaataria1 on Mon Nov 04 2024

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task achievement

While you have included relevant examples to support your main points, more detailed examples or additional evidence could further enhance your argument. Consider adding more specific data or studies to substantiate your claims.

task achievement

Ensure your ideas are crystal clear and thoroughly explained, particularly in the sections discussing the negative aspects of increasing sports facilities. Consider elaborating more on why sports might not be suitable for certain groups.

coherence cohesion

Maintain coherence by ensuring each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Use linking words or phrases to ensure the transition between paragraphs is smooth.

task achievement

You have effectively tackled both sides of the argument by presenting a balanced analysis. This demonstrates a thorough understanding of the essay prompt.

coherence cohesion

Your essay maintains a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task achievement

The inclusion of relevant examples, such as the diabetes case and the reference to technological advances in China, strengthens your arguments and reinforces the essay's overall message.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

239 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health
physical activities
fitness
obesity rates
sports centers
mental well-being
motivation
education
public health campaigns
nutritional education
preventative healthcare
health screenings
long-term health outcomes
lifestyle changes
stress management
smoking cessation
alcohol consumption
comprehensive public health improvement

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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Word Count

Many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

You were supposed to go on an interview in a few weeks, but you have since found out you cannot go on the date arranged.

Some people consider corruption to be the root cause of problems in government organizations and politics. What problems arise due to this corruption? What are possible solutions to eradicate corruption.