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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think the government should take measures regarding the healthy lifestyles of individuals. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.( Health)

#people #government #measures #lifestyles #individuals #health
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A section of the public peddles that the state should take
control
Use synonyms
 of an individual's health,
while
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 another school of thought believe that humankind should manage their own well-being.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides and I will give my own perspective. On the one hand , it is worth stating that authorities should be responsible for regulating mankind's health status because the government can use various channels
such
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 as television to educate the general public on the need to keep fit.
For instance
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, the populace can be informed that taking a brisk walk four times a week can shield some fat in their systems which can reduce heart conditions
such
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 as hypertension. Heart diseases were eminent in Ghana a decade ago, but after the state gave a talk to its members on the need to avoid consuming unsaturated fat, the condition has currently reduced.
Therefore
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, there is no doubt that authorities should be in
control
Use synonyms
 of managing their member's well-being.
By contrast
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, some argue that people should
control
Use synonyms
 their well-being by themselves. Folks know the kind of activities when performed could make them look healthy .
For example
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, society can perform various exercises
such
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 as jogging, and swimming which I think they can manage by themselves without government support. A survey conducted in the United States Of America revealed that people who
control
Use synonyms
 their fitness by themselves are likely to overcome obesity
as well as
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 diabetes.
Therefore
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 individuals ought to
control
Use synonyms
 their health by themselves. In conclusion,
although
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, some people argue that government should be in charge of controlling society's welfare,
however
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, I believe that mankind ought to tackle their lifestyle because one could figure out the best exercise that makes them look healthy.
Submitted by mboadi211 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Provide a more concise and clear introduction and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Use more varied and precise vocabulary.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • economic stability
  • national productivity
  • healthcare costs
  • chronic diseases
  • public awareness campaigns
  • subsidized gym memberships
  • socio-economic groups
  • personalized health plans
  • intrinsic motivation
  • government mandates
  • non-compliance
  • personal freedom
  • governmental intervention
  • personal responsibility
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