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Writing Samples
Band 7

Culture and education both play an important role with many countries, some say that preservation of culture has its features while others think that instead of culture people should focus on education in the country. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give examples and reasons to support your claims.

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The importance of old traditions and
education
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 plays an important role in everyone's life. It helps you to maintain both sides easily in your society. Some
people
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 believe that the protection of culture has its own benefits ,
however
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, other pupils and I myself , believe that in spite of traditional things they should more focus on their
education
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. I will explain both views including my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. First and foremost, there are different cultural practices followed by
people
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 in their countries. Some
people
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 are rooted in their culture at an extreme level as they make their families obey everything
according to
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 them.
For example
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, In India,
people
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 have contrasting beliefs as stated by their religions. In the lower cast, they do not send their girls to schools and colleges because they think it is not mandatory for them to study as their ancestors did not study and performed house chores because that should be their responsibility after marriage so they should only learn housework like cooking. They cannot go out of the house without their elder's permission.
Also
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,
this
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 kind of thinking is the reason for child marriage
as well as
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 the increasing number of illiterate
people
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 in the countries. In fact, you can experience
this
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 kind of situation in the villages and slums in today's
world
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 and I believe that
education
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 should be a compulsion in the
world
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.
Education
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 is the key to success as it will help the masses to grow and become more successful in life. They can become a teacher, doctor and scientist
as well as
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 get jobs in big companies. If
people
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 educate their children and put some effort into them it leads their adults to be qualified for
such
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 jobs it helps their family to be rich and survive in
this
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 modern
world
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.
Additionally
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, schooling helps them to increase their confidence, communication skills and assets their sports skills too which benefits them in choosing a profession
according to
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 their interest.
For instance
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, there are a lot of opportunities for work available by government and public companies. The
people
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 who have studied hard and passed their exams with great scores will get jobs in higher positions which is worth their hard work.
Furthermore
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, the government has built public schools that are not expensive and there are professional teachers for each subject. The rich and poor all have the option to put their young ones to school for
education
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.
Also
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, private tuition centres and house tutoring are available for everyone. So,
education
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 helps to solve more problems from your lie.
To conclude
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, I believe
people
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 should focus on their
education
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instead
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 of culture. They should upgrade their thinking as changing
world
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.

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task achievement
Try to avoid repetition of ideas and words to make the essay more engaging. For example, in the introduction, the phrase 'plays an important role' is repeated, which can be rephrased for variety.
task achievement
Work on developing more sophisticated sentences and use a wider range of vocabulary to make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs in a more structured manner. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a small closing sentence or remark at the end of each paragraph to round off the point you discussed, providing a smoother transition to the next paragraph.
content
Your essay shows a clear understanding of both views and presents a strong opinion in the conclusion.
content
The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively, particularly the example about Indian cultural practices.
structure
The introduction is clear and sets up the essay well, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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