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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.* *Discuss both views and give your opinion.*

#people #attention #*discuss
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In recent years, the idea of incorporating unpaid
community
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service
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 into high school curriculums has gained considerable attention. Some individuals argue that
this
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 should be a mandatory part of high school programs,
while
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 others disagree.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints before forming a reasoned conclusion. Those who advocate for compulsory
community
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service
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 in high schools often highlight its potential benefits.
Firstly
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,
community
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service
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 can
instill
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instil
show examples
 a sense of social responsibility in
students
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. By participating in charity work or
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 improvement projects,
students
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 can understand the challenges faced by their communities and learn the importance of contributing to society.
Secondly
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,
such
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 experiences can foster essential life skills
such
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 as teamwork, leadership, and problem-solving. These skills are not only beneficial for personal development but
also
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 highly valued in the job market.
However
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, critics of mandatory
community
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service
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 argue that it may place an undue burden on
students
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. High school
students
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 already face significant academic pressures, and adding compulsory
community
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service
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 to their schedules could lead to stress and burnout.
Furthermore
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, critics argue that volunteering should stem from an individual’s passion and commitment rather than being a forced obligation. Mandatory
service
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 might not
instill
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instil
show examples
 genuine empathy or social responsibility in
students
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. In conclusion,
while
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 compulsory
community
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service
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 in high schools has potential benefits
such
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 as fostering social responsibility and life skills, it
also
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 has potential drawbacks like causing stress and burnout among
students
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.
Therefore
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, it might be more beneficial to encourage voluntary
community
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service
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 rather than making it mandatory. Schools could provide a variety of opportunities for
students
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 to engage in
community
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service
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 and recognize their contributions, thereby promoting voluntary participation
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider providing more examples or evidence to support your points and strengthen your arguments.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more advanced language to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and precision.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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