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Some university student want to learn about other subject in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to study for a qualification. Discuss both view and give your opinion

#university #student #addition #subjects #time #attention #study #qualification
It is thought by a selection of individuals that students in universities should learn and spend all of their time on compulsory
subjects
instead
 of additional
ones
. In
this
 essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching my opinion which is both have positive elements. On the
one
 hand, there are several benefits of attending to other
subjects
 and
one
 of the most significant is that they can play down boredom. To elaborate
further
, focusing on the same
subjects
 every day or every week makes the younger generations feel bored and lack freshness.
Moreover
, new
subjects
 or activities will recharge their strength and freshen their mind;
therefore
, students are ready to focus on the main
ones
 again. An apt illustration of
this
 is when I was at university, I had to study only civil
engineering related
Add a hyphen
engineering-related
show examples
subjects
 and I felt bored and sleepy every time
when
Rephrase
apply
show examples
I had to attend classes.
However
,
one
 of my friends gave me a piece of advice to apply to another art subject and after I joined the classes, I found that It helped me relax and disconnect, making me pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the engineering
ones
 again. On the other side of the coin, there are a number of clear upsides to focusing only
main
Change preposition
on main
show examples
subjects
 and the most crucial
one
 is that children will become more successful. To explain in greater detail, following
curriculum
Correct article usage
the curriculum
show examples
 created by seasoned professors step-by-step can help students deeply understand those main
subjects
.
Furthermore
, the new generations will not get distracted by
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
others and concentrate on
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
subjects
. To specifically demonstrate,
one
 of my friends in university decided not to apply for another class and delved into the main
ones
 only;
therefore
, he ended up being the first-class honour student with the highest scores in all civil engineering
subjects
. All in all, it is a fact that learning other
subjects
in addition
 to their mains and focusing on main
subjects
 provide youths with a number of advantages. From my perspective, It depends on children's personalities and behaviour which
one
 can benefit them the most as they can find outlets to get away from monotonous routines or they want to buckle down on their mains deeply, ensuring their success.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Grammar
Ensure you proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical and punctuation errors. For example, "It helped me relax and disconnect, making me pay more attention on the engineering ones again" should ideally be "It helped me relax and disconnect, making me pay more attention to the engineering subjects again."
Clarity
Clarify sentence structures to ensure the essay flows smoothly. While your points are generally clear, some sentences can be rephrased for better readability. For example: 'From my perspective, It depends on children's personalities and behaviour which one can benefit them the most as they can find outlets to get away from monotonous routines or they want to buckle down on their mains deeply, ensuring their success.' can be rephrased for better coherence.
Introduction
The introduction clearly states that both viewpoints will be discussed, setting clear expectations for the reader.
Examples
You have effectively used personal anecdotes to support your points, which adds depth and credibility to your arguments.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and presents a clear, balanced opinion, which is essential for task completion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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