Some university student want to learn about other subject in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to study for a qualification. Discuss both view and give your opinion

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It is thought by a selection of individuals that students in universities should learn and spend all of their time on compulsory
subjects
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instead
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of additional
ones
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. In
this
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essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching my opinion which is both have positive elements. On the
one
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hand, there are several benefits of attending to other
subjects
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and
one
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of the most significant is that they can play down boredom. To elaborate
further
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, focusing on the same
subjects
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every day or every week makes the younger generations feel bored and lack freshness.
Moreover
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, new
subjects
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or activities will recharge their strength and freshen their mind;
therefore
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, students are ready to focus on the main
ones
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again. An apt illustration of
this
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is when I was at university, I had to study only civil
engineering related
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engineering-related
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subjects
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and I felt bored and sleepy every time
when
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apply
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I had to attend classes.
However
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,
one
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of my friends gave me a piece of advice to apply to another art subject and after I joined the classes, I found that It helped me relax and disconnect, making me pay more attention
on
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to
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the engineering
ones
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again. On the other side of the coin, there are a number of clear upsides to focusing only
main
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on main
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subjects
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and the most crucial
one
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is that children will become more successful. To explain in greater detail, following
curriculum
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the curriculum
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created by seasoned professors step-by-step can help students deeply understand those main
subjects
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.
Furthermore
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, the new generations will not get distracted by
those
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apply
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others and concentrate on
main
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the main
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subjects
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. To specifically demonstrate,
one
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of my friends in university decided not to apply for another class and delved into the main
ones
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only;
therefore
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, he ended up being the first-class honour student with the highest scores in all civil engineering
subjects
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. All in all, it is a fact that learning other
subjects
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in addition
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to their mains and focusing on main
subjects
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provide youths with a number of advantages. From my perspective, It depends on children's personalities and behaviour which
one
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can benefit them the most as they can find outlets to get away from monotonous routines or they want to buckle down on their mains deeply, ensuring their success.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Grammar
Ensure you proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical and punctuation errors. For example, "It helped me relax and disconnect, making me pay more attention on the engineering ones again" should ideally be "It helped me relax and disconnect, making me pay more attention to the engineering subjects again."
Clarity
Clarify sentence structures to ensure the essay flows smoothly. While your points are generally clear, some sentences can be rephrased for better readability. For example: 'From my perspective, It depends on children's personalities and behaviour which one can benefit them the most as they can find outlets to get away from monotonous routines or they want to buckle down on their mains deeply, ensuring their success.' can be rephrased for better coherence.
Introduction
The introduction clearly states that both viewpoints will be discussed, setting clear expectations for the reader.
Examples
You have effectively used personal anecdotes to support your points, which adds depth and credibility to your arguments.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and presents a clear, balanced opinion, which is essential for task completion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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