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Band 6

we cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

#world #communities #countries
It is true that we cannot undertake everyone's ask for help in
this
world
 and that we are more responsible for the country we live in.
While
 I partly agree that it is unrealistic to help people all around the
world
, I believe there are still communities in need of foreigners. On the one hand, it is quite impossible to respond to every need of others, in the sense that
world
 is wide and thousands of requirements are even unknown.
Moreover
, there is
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 range of needs from financial to emotional and despite widespread news on the internet, it is more fulfilment for a person to settle the problem they see their countryman struggle with.
For example
, a wealthy charity from a country is less likely to donate money to earthquake victims of another country if there already were communities there suffering from scarcity.
Nevertheless
, there are some occasions
that
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 many people have to shoulder a moral duty to help their fellows.
Firstly
, there are some deprived and poor regions of the
world
 that should not be forgotten
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 help from developed countries. Water scarcity, food shortage, poverty and other global difficulties
for example
, must be tackled globally.
Secondly
, there are ranges of human rights that cross the boundaries and wherever they are forbidden from a community, it is the duty of every single person to become their voice and prevent them from compulsion. In conclusion,
although
 it
cannot
Verb problem
is not
show examples
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
possible to offer every person a hand for help, there are still situations that need to be supported by all communities.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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task achievement
The essay should clearly state the position of the writer at the beginning of the essay. It is not clear whether the writer fully agrees or disagrees with the statement.
task achievement
The writer could have provided more reasons and examples to support their position.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from more clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
lexical resource
The writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, especially when discussing different types of needs and challenges.
grammatical range accuracy
The writer should work on sentence structure and accuracy. Some sentences are unclear or have grammatical errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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