IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is necessary for any individuals to do risky jobs in their personal
as well as
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 professional sectors. I think there are more benefits than drawbacks to doing
this
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. When people try to do difficult things, there is a chance to learn about new objects.
Whereas
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, others do not get
this
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 opportunity.
In addition
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, they easily controlled numerous skills,
such
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 as computers, communications and so on.
For example
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, some researchers conducted research and found that US individuals love to take risks so that they can discover new things and the government gives them any kind of support.
Besides
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, it is an opportunity to be a superhero in a community. When a person succeeds in their life
then
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 everyone will follow his ideality and be able to enjoy the facilities.
On the other hand
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, most of the time there is a fear of failure.
Additionally
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, when they fail, they lose their hopes.
For instance
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, many people commit suicide because they do not achieve their desired goals and it is a great hamper for a country.
Moreover
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, our community tag them as a loser. If they do not succeed, they will be trolled by our society members.
Consequently
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, next time they will not try to think for complete any difficult one, which damages society from an economic point. In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages. Disadvantages create some impacts in our society but advantages will help to lead an easy life among the community members and if the government takes some concerns for drawbacks, individuals will not complain about
this
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.

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structure
Ensure a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure. Your essay has these elements, but refining transitions could make your arguments clearer.
grammar
Use more varied and complex sentence structures to improve the fluency of your writing.
content
Support your arguments with more detailed examples. While you provided examples, more specificity could make your arguments stronger.
accuracy
Be cautious of spelling and grammar. While small inaccuracies don't significantly impact your score, consistent correctness can improve clarity and overall impression.
cohesion
Work on linking ideas more efficiently. This can involve using linking words more effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs.
task response
You have effectively engaged with the topic, presenting both sides of the argument and making a reasoned conclusion.
content understanding
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic with an attempt to provide examples for your arguments.
structure
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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