IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
People
 always try
do
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 relocate
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the best place where they can have better standards of living.
This
 development might be negative for both cities and
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 essay will be discussed
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of the trend
such
 as
congestion
Correct article usage
the congestion
show examples
 of urban infrastructure and
Correct article usage
the redusinig
show examples
redusinig
Correct your spelling
reducing
 agricultural
sector
 of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
. Undoubtedly
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
cities provide more
oportunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for their dwellers
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
istance
Correct your spelling
improve
 quality education, healthcare system,
entertainment
Correct word choice
and entertainment
show examples
.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 majority
young
Change preposition
of young
show examples
people
 move to
teh
Correct your spelling
the
 city.
the
Capitalize word
The
show examples
 influx of rural residents creates
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant congestion on public transport facilities. Public transport becomes overcrowded not only during rush hours but
all
Change preposition
at all
show examples
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. In order to
decide
Verb problem
solve
show examples
this
 problem the government has to increase the
number
 of buses,
trams
Correct word choice
and trams
show examples
.
This
 will
requirw
Correct your spelling
require
finincial
Correct your spelling
financial
 investments.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the
number
 of cars on the roads considerably
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
show examples
. It leads to traffic jams. Energy systems are
also
 designed for a certain
number
 of
people
. If the population of cities grow, energy systems have to be
strengten
Correct your spelling
strengthen
. What is more ,
decreasing
Wrong verb form
a decrease
show examples
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural areas can lead to
reducting
Correct article usage
a reducting
show examples
financial
Change preposition
in financial
show examples
 support from the government and
as a result
 to disappearance of rural areas. Usually countryside provides
agricultural
Correct article usage
the agricultural
show examples
sector
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. It's
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
essential for each country
has
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
developed
Correct article usage
a developed
show examples
 agricultural
sector
whis
Correct your spelling
that
 produces many types of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 for
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. Shortage of workforce might be a cause of serious problems in
agricultural
Add an article
the agricultural
show examples
sector
 too. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 the decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rural population is a serious problem for any country
firstly
 because it
van be
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 cause
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dramatical negative changes in
agricultural
Add an article
the agricultural
show examples
sector
,
also
 it
mught
Correct your spelling
might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
require substantial financial investments in support of
robust
Correct article usage
the robust
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
city.
Submitted by madam.prilukova12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: