IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.

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The role of father and mother in a family has been a topic of debate since ages. The notion that, it is the reponsibility of the female partner to raise the children and
also
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 that it is is up to the women to make the decision of having a
child
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 is deeply rooted into the society today.
This
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 essay will be
To begin
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 with, traditionally the roles of a father and a mother are defined, the male partner
work
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works
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 outside and is considered to be the breadwinner of the family, eventually the
responisbiliy
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of rearing the offsprings and looking after the household chores
falls
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fall
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 on the shoulder of the female partner.
For instance
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, fathers provide food, education fees, clothing and shelter,
while
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 mothers prepare food and take care of the children and
thus
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 they are deemed responsible
to make
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for making
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 the decision solely whether to have a
child
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 or not. But nowadays,
this
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 is not the scenario,
both
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 mother and father are equally responsible for the
child
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 and they should make
decision
Add an article
a decision
the decision
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 together whether to have a
child
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 or not, because raising a baby is really a costly affair in today's world as the prices of every commodity and every facility
such
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 as education, health, housing is very expensive.
Furthermore
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, regardless of gender everyone is working these days,
For example
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, education and health facilities are really requires a lot of investment.
Therefore
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,
both
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 parents should be
invovled
Correct your spelling
involved
 in family planning.
To sum up
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,
both
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Fix the agreement mistake
men
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man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 and
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 are important when it comes to rearing a baby. In the past, there was division of labourbetween genders, men were required to work outside and earn money
whereas
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 women were required to manage the home and kids.
However
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,
both
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 parents need to agree when it comes to planning the
child
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 in today's age and day
due to
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 the rising prices.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear thesis statement that previews the main points you will discuss in the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your main points.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to provide more depth and analysis.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear topic sentences and logical transitions between paragraphs.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your grammar, especially verb tenses and subject-verb agreement.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to demonstrate your proficiency in English.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Equal Parenting
  • 2. Gender Roles
  • 3. Societal Expectations
  • 4. Emotional Well-being
  • 5. Psychological Development
  • 6. Legal Frameworks
  • 7. Workplace Policies
  • 8. Gender Equality
  • 9. Traditional Responsibilities
  • 10. Active Fatherhood
  • 11. Balanced Development
  • 12. Undue Burden
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