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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age 65. However, others say there should not be a limitation on age, and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views, give your opinion.

#people #age #limitation #anyone #work
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Some individuals claim that a person should not be permitted to do
work
Use synonyms
 after some certain
age
Use synonyms
 which is between 64-66 years
while
Linking Words
 others believe that there will not be any limitation on specific
age
Use synonyms
 as they must be allowed to continue
work
Use synonyms
 at any
age
Use synonyms
. I affirm
agree
Correct word choice
and agree
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that there is no limit on
age
Use synonyms
 because every human has their own tendency to do
work
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 and
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
 on
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 will not let them stay on
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 job which they were performing since they started it at
beginning
Correct article usage
the beginning
show examples
 of their career. I am going to discuss both viewpoints in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, we generally see, mostly senior citizens easily get bored after their retirement especially those who are widowers or living far away from their families which engender not left with many choices to indulge themselves in any activity which
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
results
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 feel lonely and depressed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if they are allowed to continue their
work
Use synonyms
 at any
age
Use synonyms
, they will be more occupied
as well as
Linking Words
 they can earn handsome money which they will utilize later on for their future use. To demonstrate
this
Linking Words
, a survey has been conducted by the University of Dallas among senior people where they found 70 per cent of people who are willing to continue their job task after they get old are much happier and
healthy
Replace the word
healthier
show examples
 which helps to keep them busy and cut down their lonely time than others.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, some folks argue that no one should be allowed to proceed with any kind of
work
Use synonyms
 after the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65. The first and foremost reason is that they will get more time to spend with their families and grandchildren and
also
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 reinvent the joyful moments which they missed when they were working.
Secondly
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, with growing
age
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, everyone is not
much
Rephrase
very
show examples
 energetic and healthy to run their office errands so they can relax after some
age
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 and enjoy the rest of life. In conclusion, it is right to say that retired people will continue their
work
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instead
Linking Words
 of they are getting old and they are allowed to continue their
work
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 as long as they want
however
Linking Words
 but some claim there will be an
age
Use synonyms
 limit for working and after some 60’s everyone should rejuvenate their life.
Submitted by manpreetcanada90 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are supported with specific examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger conclusion that summarizes your arguments and provides your opinion.
grammatical range accuracy
Be careful with your use of grammar and sentence structure.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs and topic sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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