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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the number of British emigrants to selected
countries
Use synonyms
 from 2004 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, Australia was the most significant country that attracted British
people
Use synonyms
 over the three-year period. Since the remaining
countries
Use synonyms
' emigration figures exhibited a downward trend,
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 numbers saw a noticeable increase between 2004 and 2007. The vast majority of British
people
Use synonyms
 moved to two
countries
Use synonyms
 that were Australia and Spain. Australia got over 40
thousand
Use synonyms
emigrant
Change to a plural noun
emigrants
show examples
 in 2004, it decreased slightly below 40
thousand
Use synonyms
 individuals before escalating to
peak
Add an article
the peak
a peak
show examples
 of over 50
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in 2006. It ended with around 45
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 emigrants in 2007.
Conversely
Linking Words
, Spain fluctuated at 35
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in the first half of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
 before
felling
Correct your spelling
falling
show examples
 to below 30
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in 2007. The remaining
countries
Use synonyms
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
 less than the previous
countries
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, they started with over 20
thousand
Use synonyms
 emigrants in 2004. New Zealand followed a consistent drop each year and finished at approximately 20
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in 2007.
USA
Correct article usage
The USA
show examples
 experienced a fluctuation from 2004 to 2006 before declining
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 20
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, people, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emigration
  • destination
  • peak
  • trend
  • attractiveness
  • decline
  • preference
  • economic factors
  • migration decisions
  • fluctuations
  • consistent choice
  • gradual increase
  • perceptions
  • living conditions
  • opportunities
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