The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

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The growth of online shopping brings us a convenient life in which we can access commodities anywhere just by using our cell phones. Some people think that

this

would lead to all

shops

towns

and

cities

closing,

however

, I disagree with that. The opinion that online shopping will have a negative effect on

shops

towns

and

cities

mainly accounts for these facts. First of all, merchandise on the Internet is mainly cheaper than in

shops

for its low cost, so more people prefer buying goods online than going to

shops

Secondly

, shopping online is more convenient than driving to the city centre where parking is always a problem.

Thirdly

, there are abundant commodity choices online, and searching is as easy as moving a finger,

while

in a department store or supermarket, we can hardly buy all the stuff at one time. In conclusion, online shopping is winning more and more market share

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and threatens the market of

shops

towns

and

cities

. In my opinion, online shopping can coexist with

shops

well, and they can benefit from each other. Take clothes

shops

such

as Uniqlo

for example

, we can easily buy clothes on the official website, but we still need to try them on in

shops

.To some extent, online shopping will never replace

shops

, especially

in particular

fields,

for example

, the service industries

such

as barber

shops

, and restaurants.

In addition

, the lower prices online will push the

shops

towns

to reduce the prices

while

improving the quality, in order to attract more consumers, which would promote the development of companies. At

last

, some

shops

nowadays are not only a place to buy, but

also

a social containment for people to get together. On the whole, I think online shopping will not lead to all

shops

towns

and

cities

closing, but on the opposite, online shopping will get along well with

shops

and be beneficial to the shopping market.

Submitted by 2819 on Mon Oct 14 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that all ideas are clearly linked together. Transitions between ideas can be smoother in some parts of the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

While the introduction and conclusion are present, make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.

Task Achievement

Try to incorporate more varied examples and evidence to comprehensively support your arguments.

Task Achievement

The essay presents a comprehensive response to the prompt by addressing both sides of the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

There is a clear introduction of ideas and a cohesive conclusion which brings closure to the essay.

Task Achievement

The writer provided specific examples, like Uniqlo, to illustrate their point of view, enhancing the clarity of arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

323 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

e-commerce
brick-and-mortar
physical stores
online retailers
retail apocalypse
digital economy
consumer behavior
sustainability
commercial landscape
high-street
consumer trends
augmented reality
showrooms
carbon footprint

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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, fashion, brands, advertisements and TV channels. To what extend do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

Some people believe that car-free days are effective ways to reduce air pollustion. However, others argue that there are other ways that are more effective. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that it should be compulsory for people to retake their driving test every 5 what are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this?

as well as making money, businesses also have responsibilites. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?