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Writing Samples
Band 7

Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others belive that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientists #people #junk #food #health #belive #education #work
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It is an undeniable truth that junk
food
 has lots of negative
effects
 on our health. Some
people
 think that it can be beaten by teaching
people
,
while
 others think that
education
 is not associated with the damage of junk
food
.
While
 I may acknowledge the logic behind the former view, I am still strongly in favour of the latter, in which
education
 is not an important role to restrict. On the one hand, those who think that educating
people
 can cope with
this
 problem may have several arguments. It is necessary that the benefits and negative
effects
 of convenience cuisine are taught to everyone,
this
 is because a larger part of individuals do not know the destruction of fast
food
 like burgers,
snacks
Correct word choice
and snacks
show examples
.
However
, I think that
education
 is only effective in short-term relevance,
while
 in the long term, using fast
food
 depends on human consciousness.
On the other hand
, I firmly believe that
education
 is not useful in
this
 case. Nowadays, there are a lot of warnings about healthy nutrition and how detrimental
effects
 it has on physical health on the Internet. But customers, especially students or workers who are busy at work, tend to use
this
 type of commodity because of the convenience and less time-consuming.
In addition
, many fast
food
 stores have more quality development into products, particularly the safety of them, so the persuasion and popularity are gradually increasing. In conclusion, it is understandable why some may argue that the harmful
effects
 can be tackled by
education
.
However
, I would take the view that teaching
people
 will not work.
Submitted by n.thach.tu.a2 on

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task response
Your essay presents a good structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, aim to provide more specific examples to support your arguments better.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use more linking words to connect your ideas smoothly between paragraphs.
task achievement
Your essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a balanced view of both perspectives with a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is solid; each paragraph is well-organized and contributes to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • junk food
  • nutritional content
  • long-term health consequences
  • unhealthy diets
  • healthy eating habits
  • meal planning
  • socioeconomic factors
  • accessibility
  • pervasive marketing
  • nutritional education
  • government regulations
  • advertising
  • dietary habits
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