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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows what anthrop[ology graduates from one university did after fininshing thier undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after 5 years

The chart below shows what anthrop[ology graduates from one university did after fininshing thier undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after 5 years
#anthrop[ology #graduates #university #thier #course #salaries #anthropologists #work #years
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The table shows the percentage of salaries of anthropology graduates after 5 years of work,
while
Linking Words
 the pie
cahrt
Correct your spelling
chart
 illustrates
destination
Correct article usage
the destination
show examples
 of the anthropologist reported from one university.
Overall
Linking Words
, the information in the above diagram picturized about the
aluminis
Correct your spelling
aluminise
 destination of the particular institutions and their type of employment and salary packages were 40% of degree holder who was working as a freelance
consultants
Correct the article-noun agreement
consultant
show examples
 and a;
lso
Correct your spelling
also
so
 50% of
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 working in government companies were earning around $100,000 plus.
Compare
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
 sector both freelance consultants and government
sectors
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sector
show examples
 employees were receiving
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 amount in their
professional
Replace the word
profession
show examples
. In the reference of
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
, they clearly mentioned that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
52% of
baccalaureate's
Change noun form
baccalaureate
show examples
working
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 as a full
timer
Fix the agreement mistake
timers
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 was the highest proportions compared with others who placed as a part-time worker
as well as
Linking Words
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 as a
post graduation
Add a hyphen
post-graduation
show examples
. Some doing their masters in
correspondance
Correct your spelling
correspondence
 course, 12%
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
unemployed
while
Linking Words
 very few were not known. Freelance consultants (40%) were
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
paid around $75,000 to 100,000+ it was a
guge
Correct your spelling
huge
 amount
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
paid by the
administartions
Correct your spelling
administrators
 to the workers.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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