There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

Every person in

this

world must have a desire to have a successful life.

However

, the standard of success varies from one person to another. Some people argue that it is important to eliminate non-academic

subjects

schools

and only focus on academic

subjects

whereas

others think non-academic

subjects

should still be maintained. I personally believe that non-academic

subjects

are as important as academic

subjects

and should not be eliminated from the school's curriculum. Some people believe that concentrating only on academic

subjects

will increase employment acceptance after graduating

school

Change preposition

from school

show examples

for example

children

who want to become engineers will have to excel in mathematics and physics.

However

, I beg to differ with

this

point of view because not everyone's true potential is related to academic

subjects

. There are many

children

who dislike mathematics and fail their physics tests but are exceptional in cookery, arts or music.

Thus

, by having non-academic

subjects

schools

, teachers may be able to discover students' true potential and eventually can provide proper guidance and steps for these

children

to be successful in their own way.

Moreover

, some non-academic

subjects

help

children

concentrate more during the day and

consequently

improve their focus when studying academic

subjects

. One example is by doing physical exercise. Research has confirmed that physical exercises contribute to the release of endorphin hormones in human bodies and

therefore

will prevent

children

from getting depression or stress

while

studying.

In addition

, I have

also

experienced myself where I feel like the best time for me to study is after finishing my morning workout as I feel freshened up.

To sum up

, I believe it is necessary for

schools

to maintain non-academic

subjects

as part of the

schools

' education programs as some students' passions are related to these non-academic

subjects

and some non-academic

subjects

help

children

to focus more on academic

subjects

Submitted by sormindevina on Sun May 26 2024

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task achievement

In the future, try to provide even more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay even more convincing and engaging.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your paragraphs are well-balanced. In some parts of your essay, one paragraph tends to carry too much weight. Spreading out your points more evenly can improve overall readability.

task achievement

Your essay presented a clear, comprehensive response to the prompt. You systematically presented your viewpoint and supported it with logical reasoning.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion were strong, clearly encapsulating the main idea and wrapping up your essay effectively.

coherence cohesion

Your logical structure was impressive, with each paragraph flowing smoothly into the next. This greatly enhanced the readability of your essay.

task achievement

The examples you provided were relevant and supported your main points well, helping to reinforce your arguments.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

307 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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