There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Every person in
this
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world must have a desire to have a successful life.
However
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, the standard of success varies from one person to another. Some people argue that it is important to eliminate non-academic
subjects
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in
schools
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and only focus on academic
subjects
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,
whereas
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others think non-academic
subjects
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should still be maintained. I personally believe that non-academic
subjects
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are as important as academic
subjects
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and should not be eliminated from the school's curriculum. Some people believe that concentrating only on academic
subjects
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will increase employment acceptance after graduating
school
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from school
show examples
,
for example
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,
children
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who want to become engineers will have to excel in mathematics and physics.
However
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, I beg to differ with
this
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point of view because not everyone's true potential is related to academic
subjects
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. There are many
children
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who dislike mathematics and fail their physics tests but are exceptional in cookery, arts or music.
Thus
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, by having non-academic
subjects
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in
schools
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, teachers may be able to discover students' true potential and eventually can provide proper guidance and steps for these
children
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to be successful in their own way.
Moreover
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, some non-academic
subjects
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help
children
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concentrate more during the day and
consequently
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improve their focus when studying academic
subjects
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. One example is by doing physical exercise. Research has confirmed that physical exercises contribute to the release of endorphin hormones in human bodies and
therefore
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will prevent
children
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from getting depression or stress
while
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studying.
In addition
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, I have
also
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experienced myself where I feel like the best time for me to study is after finishing my morning workout as I feel freshened up.
To sum up
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, I believe it is necessary for
schools
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to maintain non-academic
subjects
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as part of the
schools
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' education programs as some students' passions are related to these non-academic
subjects
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and some non-academic
subjects
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help
children
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to focus more on academic
subjects
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.
Submitted by sormindevina on

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task achievement
In the future, try to provide even more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay even more convincing and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-balanced. In some parts of your essay, one paragraph tends to carry too much weight. Spreading out your points more evenly can improve overall readability.
task achievement
Your essay presented a clear, comprehensive response to the prompt. You systematically presented your viewpoint and supported it with logical reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were strong, clearly encapsulating the main idea and wrapping up your essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure was impressive, with each paragraph flowing smoothly into the next. This greatly enhanced the readability of your essay.
task achievement
The examples you provided were relevant and supported your main points well, helping to reinforce your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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