There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Every person in
this
world must have a desire to have a successful life. However
, the standard of success varies from one person to another. Some people argue that it is important to eliminate non-academic subjects
in schools
and only focus on academic subjects
, whereas
others think non-academic subjects
should still be maintained. I personally believe that non-academic subjects
are as important as academic subjects
and should not be eliminated from the school's curriculum.
Some people believe that concentrating only on academic subjects
will increase employment acceptance after graduating school
, Change preposition
from school
for example
, children
who want to become engineers will have to excel in mathematics and physics. However
, I beg to differ with this
point of view because not everyone's true potential is related to academic subjects
. There are many children
who dislike mathematics and fail their physics tests but are exceptional in cookery, arts or music. Thus
, by having non-academic subjects
in schools
, teachers may be able to discover students' true potential and eventually can provide proper guidance and steps for these children
to be successful in their own way.
Moreover
, some non-academic subjects
help children
concentrate more during the day and consequently
improve their focus when studying academic subjects
. One example is by doing physical exercise. Research has confirmed that physical exercises contribute to the release of endorphin hormones in human bodies and therefore
will prevent children
from getting depression or stress while
studying. In addition
, I have also
experienced myself where I feel like the best time for me to study is after finishing my morning workout as I feel freshened up.
To sum up
, I believe it is necessary for schools
to maintain non-academic subjects
as part of the schools
' education programs as some students' passions are related to these non-academic subjects
and some non-academic subjects
help children
to focus more on academic subjects
.Submitted by sormindevina on
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task achievement
In the future, try to provide even more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay even more convincing and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-balanced. In some parts of your essay, one paragraph tends to carry too much weight. Spreading out your points more evenly can improve overall readability.
task achievement
Your essay presented a clear, comprehensive response to the prompt. You systematically presented your viewpoint and supported it with logical reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were strong, clearly encapsulating the main idea and wrapping up your essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure was impressive, with each paragraph flowing smoothly into the next. This greatly enhanced the readability of your essay.
task achievement
The examples you provided were relevant and supported your main points well, helping to reinforce your arguments.