IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, it is becoming common for
people
Use synonyms
 across the globe to research the background of their ancestors. In my opinion,
this
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 development is caused by several reasons, and it offers benefits
while
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also
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 having its own drawbacks.
This
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 action is possible
due to
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 the development of technology which has enabled
people
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 to find who their ancestors are.
Furthermore
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, the feeling of curiosity pushes
people
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 to search about their background because they might want to know where they came from or who they were.
Besides
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, since the majority of the population does that, it
further
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 encourages others to take part in that trend. On one hand, it is beneficial to learn about someone's
origin
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 because, if they know their
origin
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, they will know themselves better, and,
thus
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, they could possibly find out about the field of work in which they are suitable.
As a result
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, it is possible for them to invest their time in nurturing a more focused skill set.
However
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, learning about one's
origin
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 could cause a dire issue. Knowing their bloodline and
origin
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 might
turn
Verb problem
make
show examples
people
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 more inclusive.
For instance
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, in several countries, there are groups of
people
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 who only want to interact with those from the same race or background, and
this
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 action leads to racial issues, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 happened in major countries. In conclusion, the growth in technology plays a big part in helping us to find out our
origin
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, but we need to utilize the information wisely because,
although
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 it could boost our capability, it could
also
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 endanger us.

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Coherence & Cohesion
You have made an attempt to provide a logical structure; however, the concepts could be better connected with clearer transition sentences and more cohesive devices.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be further strengthened with more precise thesis statements and conclusive arguments that mirror each other.
Coherence & Cohesion
While main points are supported, the essay would benefit from more developed explanations and a greater variety of support, such as data, research, or diverse examples.
Task Achievement
The essay manages to address the task, but a more complete response is needed. Both aspects of the question should be explored evenly and in depth.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented are fairly clear and comprehensive, yet they could be further clarified and developed. Make sure each paragraph fully explores the idea presented.
Task Achievement
The essay lacks relevant and specific examples which would strengthen the argument and demonstrate a clearer understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genealogy
  • Heritage
  • Ancestry
  • Lineage
  • Descendants
  • Forebears
  • Pedigree
  • Dynasty
  • Progenitors
  • Ethnicity
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Familial ties
  • Archival records
  • Hereditary
  • Kinship
  • Self-identity
  • Patriarchy/Matriarchy
What to do next:
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