For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In contemporary society, shopping has evolved beyond a mere act of acquiring necessities; for many, it has become a form of
entertainment
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

phenomenon has both positive and negative implications, I contend that its impact largely depends on individual perspectives and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours

The spelling of behaviors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
. On the positive side, viewing shopping as
entertainment
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can contribute to economic growth. Consumer spending drives demand, stimulating production and employment opportunities.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the retail sector thrives, offering diverse choices and experiences to consumers. For some, the act of browsing through stores, trying on various items, and making purchases
provides
Change the verb form
provide

The verb provides does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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a sense of enjoyment and
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment

The spelling of fulfillment is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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, akin to participating in recreational activities.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

can enhance
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

well-being by alleviating stress and fostering social interactions, especially when shopping is done with friends or family.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

negative aspects to consider. Excessive shopping for
entertainment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

purposes can lead to financial strain and debt accumulation. Impulsive buying, influenced by marketing strategies and societal pressures, may result in overspending on items that are unnecessary or even detrimental to one's financial health.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the culture of consumerism fueled by
entertainment
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

-oriented shopping can contribute to environmental degradation through increased waste generation and resource depletion. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the transformation of shopping into a form of
entertainment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has both positive and negative ramifications, its
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

impact varies depending on individual choices and societal norms. To mitigate the negative effects, consumers should cultivate mindful shopping habits, focusing on genuine needs rather than fleeting desires.
Likewise
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, policymakers and businesses have a role to play in promoting sustainable consumption practices and ethical marketing strategies. Ultimately, striking a balance between the enjoyment derived from shopping and its responsible practice is essential for fostering a healthier and more sustainable consumer culture.

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task achievement
Integrate specific examples to support your arguments. Including real-life instances or statistical data can enhance the validity and persuasiveness of your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, working on paragraph transitions could make the flow of ideas smoother, further enhancing readability.
task achievement
Your essay provides a thoughtful analysis of both sides of the argument, recognizing the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clearly articulated, effectively framing the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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