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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

17.The charts below show the number of reasons why some people leave UK and why some people choose to stay. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

17.The charts below show the number of reasons why some people leave UK and why some people choose to stay. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#show #people #uk #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts display the five aim why individuals
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 prefer to stay or leave
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Great Britain.
Overall
Linking Words
, quality of life is the biggest reason why
people
Use synonyms
 would choose to stay or leave in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom. The
weather
Use synonyms
 and financial resources had a great difference in both charts,
while
Linking Words
 the others are relatively similar. The biggest reason why
people
Use synonyms
 wanted to leave
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 is because of the quality of life, with just above one-third of the
overall
Linking Words
 share. The next biggest cause is the
weather
Use synonyms
, with 22%,
moreover
Linking Words
, financial resources had just 2% less than the
weather
Use synonyms
.
Employement
Correct your spelling
Employment
 and
join
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
 family and friends had the least proportions, with 15% and 9% respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, 40% of
people
Use synonyms
 wanted to stay in the United Kingdom because of the quality of life. Almost one-third of individuals would stay in the country because of financial resources.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, employment only occupied 13% of the proportion, and the reasons
of join
Change preposition
for joining
show examples
 family and friends, and
weather
Use synonyms
 are the biggest losers with only 10% and 7% of
people
Use synonyms
 respectively taking them as the reason of why they would stay.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, weather with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 5 times.
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