IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

More and more people are becoming overweight. Some people suggest that increasing the price of fattening food is a solution, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that obesity has become a global phenomenon. There exists a suggestion that the cost of junk
food
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 should be raised to reduce consumption. I am inclined to stand with the sceptics. A discussion of
this
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 issue
as well as
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 my thoughts will be highlighted in the write-up.
Initially
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, one of the main arguments in its favour is that increasing the price of unhealthy
food
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 can definitely affect people's eating habits to a certain degree. When high-calorie products like chips, burgers and so on will cost more, consumers will turn to cheaper options like fruits or healthy meals to decrease their expenditure.
Thus
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, uplifting the financial burden could be a relatively efficient method to change consumers' behaviours.
Furthermore
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, it will encourage manufacturers to provide more healthy items
due to
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 the growing tendency.
For example
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, sugar-free drinks and low-calorie meal boxes are beneficial to the human body.
However
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, simply increasing the expense of fattening
food
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 could not solve the problem from the root since the damage of unhealthy diets to the human body is generally underestimated and individuals who long for
such
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food
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 will not easily adjust their behaviours.
Therefore
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, governments should arouse public awareness of balanced diets.
For instance
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, the Singapore government designed a symbol on beverages to help consumers distinguish the sugar content at a glance.
In addition
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, the factors which lead to overweight situations are not only unhealthy consumption but
also
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 the lack of exercise.
Hence
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, authorities should divert partial resources to invest in some facilities like gyms and provide sports classes to promote an active lifestyle.
To sum up
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, despite the fact that enhancing the price of fattening
food
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 has certain effects on alleviating overweight conditions, it is not the only solution. It is vital to educate the public by evoking their awareness of health so as to create long-term improvement.

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
lexical resource
Consider using stronger and more varied vocabulary throughout the essay.
task achievement
Be more precise when mentioning specific examples and their relevance to the main points.
grammatical range accuracy
Check the agreement between subject and verb in some sentences.
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