Some people say it is OK to use animals for our benefit, others say it is not good to exploit them. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

Animals
are part of our ecosystem that cannot be disregarded.
While
some
people
think that using
animals
adequately for living purpose
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
fine, others think that we should not use
animals
for individual benefit. I believe that using
animals
for our society is acceptable but not to the extent of exploiting them.
To begin
with, there are things that only
animals
can provide.
For instance
, animal-based protein for human health
such
as cows and lambs. it is a necessity to have a balanced diet to achieve a healthy life.
Additionally
, using some
animals
to help the disabled
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
become popular,
such
as a guide dog for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
blind
people
or to detect high blood pressure for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sick
people
. those dogs are trained and they were considered as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working
dog
Fix the agreement mistake
dogs
show examples
.
on the other hand
, if exploitation and animal cruelty are involved, it would be a different story.
in particular
, illegal animal hunting and illegal sea fishing are examples of behaviours that harm the environment. because of those acts, a lot of fauna ceased to
almost
Add a missing verb
be almost
show examples
extinct.
furthermore
, elephants hunting for their tusk or ivory and whales hunting for profits are despicable. the hunter only thinks about their personal benefit without thinking about the long-term effect of their wrong-doings. in conclusion, I believe that utilising
animals
for necessity without exploitation is all right.
however
, we should
also
consider the animal's cruelty and control their population to have a balanced ecosystem. For these reasons,
people
have to be more aware of these issues and the government should make proper regulations about them.
Submitted by hanna.rahmawati93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your stance on the topic.
lexical resource
Consider using more varied vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource score.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on improving the accuracy of your grammar to avoid errors and increase your grammatical range and accuracy score.
coherence cohesion
Check the coherence of your essay by ensuring that your ideas flow logically and are supported with clear examples.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: