IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say it is OK to use animals for our benefit, others say it is not good to exploit them. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #ok #animals #benefit #points
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Animals
Use synonyms
 are part of our ecosystem that cannot be disregarded.
While
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 some
people
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 think that using
animals
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 adequately for living purpose
are
Change the verb form
is
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 fine, others think that we should not use
animals
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 for individual benefit. I believe that using
animals
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 for our society is acceptable but not to the extent of exploiting them.
To begin
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 with, there are things that only
animals
Use synonyms
 can provide.
For instance
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, animal-based protein for human health
such
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 as cows and lambs. it is a necessity to have a balanced diet to achieve a healthy life.
Additionally
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, using some
animals
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 to help the disabled
has
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have
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 become popular,
such
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 as a guide dog for
a
Correct article usage
apply
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blind
people
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 or to detect high blood pressure for
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sick
people
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. those dogs are trained and they were considered as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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working
dog
Fix the agreement mistake
dogs
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.
on the other hand
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, if exploitation and animal cruelty are involved, it would be a different story.
in particular
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, illegal animal hunting and illegal sea fishing are examples of behaviours that harm the environment. because of those acts, a lot of fauna ceased to
almost
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be almost
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 extinct.
furthermore
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, elephants hunting for their tusk or ivory and whales hunting for profits are despicable. the hunter only thinks about their personal benefit without thinking about the long-term effect of their wrong-doings. in conclusion, I believe that utilising
animals
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 for necessity without exploitation is all right.
however
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, we should
also
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 consider the animal's cruelty and control their population to have a balanced ecosystem. For these reasons,
people
Use synonyms
 have to be more aware of these issues and the government should make proper regulations about them.
Submitted by hanna.rahmawati93 on

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Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your stance on the topic.
lexical resource
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grammatical range accuracy
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coherence cohesion
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