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Band 6.5

Juvenile deliquency is on rise today. in our modern times , more and more adolescents are commiting crime. what are the possible reasons? is there any solution to this problem?

#deliquency #rise #times #adolescents #crime
It is true that the phenomenon of juvenile delinquency is gradually rising nowadays.
Although
 there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of the trend, parents and schools can take steps to mitigate these potential problems. An array of actors can lead to why numerous youngsters begin to commit crimes. The main issue is that the young lack sufficient closeness and have fewer opportunities involved in family activities
due to
 the variation
of
Change preposition
in
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working
Correct article usage
the working
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 environment which made
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
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 number of dual-income households appear.
In other words
, both fathers and mothers are busy with their jobs so they do not give special care to teach their children appropriately.
In addition
, peer pressure
also
 plays a pivotal role in
this
 phase since youths are prone to care about other's viewpoints.
For instance
, they may tend to join gangs and get into trouble in order to acquire more attention from their friends or demonstrate a sense of superiority. Even worse, they will go astray and take drugs, resulting in juvenile delinquency surging dramatically. In my opinion, various actions can be taken to cope with the problems described above.
Firstly
, complete parenting is indispensable and parents must set codes of conduct for their kids to prevent inappropriate behaviour;
moreover
, the adult should not spoil adolescents and must give them adequate emotional support. The second measure is that strict schooling is
also
 necessary and campuses must make a concerted effort to instruct pupils to distinguish right from wrong;
furthermore
, schools should take responsibility for educating teenagers to be good members of society
as well as
 correct values. In conclusion, a wide variety of means can be taken to tackle the possible problems that are certain to arise as the rate of crime among juveniles continually grows.
Submitted by yuki03270513 on

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task achievement
To improve the essay further, provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention specific studies or real-life cases where a lack of parental involvement has led to juvenile delinquency.
coherence cohesion
The organization of the essay is good, but try to ensure a smoother transition between ideas to enhance flow. For example, use linking words and phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'In addition to' more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps contextualize the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well supported, contributing to a coherent and logical structure.
task achievement
The essay answers the prompt effectively, discussing both reasons for juvenile delinquency and potential solutions.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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