IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

2. (BÌNH) Sending crimes to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

While
Linking Words
 imprisonment has traditionally been the main approach to punishing offenders, I believe that it is not always the most effective solution. I largely agree that providing
education
Use synonyms
 and vocational training can be a more constructive way to reduce crime and rehabilitate criminals. On the one hand, prisons serve an important role in protecting society by isolating dangerous individuals and deterring potential offenders. For serious crimes
such
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 as murder or terrorism, incarceration is necessary to ensure public safety and deliver justice.
However
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, for many minor or non-violent crimes, prison sentences may do more harm than good. People who are sent to jail for petty theft or drug use often emerge more disconnected from society, lacking the skills and support needed to reintegrate.
On the other hand
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,
education
Use synonyms
 and job training can address the root
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of criminal
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
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,
such
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 as poverty, unemployment, and lack of opportunity. Equipping inmates with literacy, technical skills, or even higher
education
Use synonyms
 not only improves their employability but
also
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 gives them a sense of purpose and self-worth.
For example
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, Norway’s prison system
emphasizes
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emphasises
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 rehabilitation through
education
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, and
as a result
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,
has
Correct pronoun usage
it has
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 one of the lowest reoffending rates in the world.
By contrast
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, systems that rely heavily on punishment often see high rates of repeat
offenses
Use the right word
offences
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 In conclusion, prisons are still necessary for dangerous criminals.
However
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,
education
Use synonyms
 and job training are better ways to help most offenders. These methods give them chances to change, find jobs, and live better lives. In the long run,
this
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 helps reduce crime and build a safer, fairer society.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is good. Try to make the thesis statement even clearer to guide the reader better.
coherence and cohesion
Your points are well-structured and you use paragraphs effectively. Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea to improve clarity.
task achievement
You provided a strong example from Norway. More specific examples or statistics could further strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and support it with reasons and examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing has a good flow and is easy to follow.
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