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Band 6.5

Many of the world’s cities are currently facing a serious housing shortage. What is the reason and what solution can you suggest?

#world’s #cities #shortage #reason
It is likely that there is a severe problem with the lack of accommodation for residents who are living in the municipality all over the world. The fundamental cause for
this
 might be the overpopulation in urban spaces yet can be alleviated by economic distribution into nearby rural zones. It is understandable that enormous cities have a much more considerable rate of population when compared to the countryside, which directly increases the need for housing for citizens. In order to bring home the bacon, a myriad of individuals, especially breadwinners, ought to transfer to live in the megalopolis to find out their own potential opportunities.
Consequently
, the rate of burial residents will conventionally see a sharp rise, leading to a shortage of accommodation.
This
 is true in China, where the lack of housing has been a serious problem in its biggest polish which is known as Shanghai despite seeing the remarkable advancement of a plethora of skyscrapers there. Practical actions,
however
, can be implemented to at least reduce
this
 controversial concern. The most effective approach is for governments to make an investment in developing nearby provinces. By distributing and funding these urban places, there is no more conception of economic potential in the interurban.
Otherwise
, if they want to make sufficient revenue, individuals can decide to live in these provincial zones
instead
, which is apparently beneficial for both people and local authorities.
In addition
, if nearby provinces are invested in, there will be a significant attraction of worldwide businesses and corporations, thereby enhancing those fields that can result in an overly finance development of those particular nations. Take Vietnam as a relevant example here, which is concurrently making an attempt to push its provinces and smaller cities's economies, and has been attracting numerous successful organizations to cooperate in its finance-related field.
Therefore
, it is evident that the shortage of housing is basically derived from urban overpopulation.
Nonetheless
, investments and redistributions made by governments can be seen as a reasonable way to tackle
this
 concurrently social issue.
Submitted by  11E4 Community on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. The ideas are not presented in a clear and organized manner.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion lack clear statements that summarize the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are not well-supported with specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task and addresses both the reason for the housing shortage and a suggested solution.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are not comprehensive and lack clarity.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the points made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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