IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that schools are no longer necessary because people can acquire information on the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #information #internet
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Today’s era is called an
internet
Use synonyms
 era which is eponymous with the advancement in the pangs of digital waves all across the world.
Education
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 is the most affected sector in the modern world that generally causes people to have a difference of opinion regarding the essence of schools, as most of the information one
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 find is available online.
However
Linking Words
, I partially disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. In the paragraphs to follow, I shall discuss my point of view regarding the topic. The very importance of having an institution and school is not only restricted to imparting and receiving
education
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 the sense of uniformity, harmony, belongingness and brotherhood. With the uniform comes a sense of belonging to the same string of compassion, and that can never be rooted in online
education
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.
For instance
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online enrolled students today barely know who their classmates are, let alone their behaviour and a sense of bonding among each other.
Moreover
Linking Words
, helping each other out with doubts, the joy of seeing live cultural activities with a tinge of cultural diversity is unparalleled. Adding to that, a teacher-student bond of respect and second parenthood in an
offline
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 medium is extremely precious and valuable. Undoubtedly, the modern world has seen an upheaval in the
education
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 sector, with almost everything in the ambit of digital space. So the essence of having
offline
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 institutions
such
Linking Words
 as schools or colleges seems to be redundant. One might get deep subject knowledge through online classes and self-paced learning.
However
Linking Words
, one shouldn’t overlook the downsides of online
education
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 and
internet
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 learning. As some say, “Information on the
internet
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 today is like an ocean, but not every part of it can be plunged into.” The essence of a teacher guiding the students in an
offline
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 medium and live mentorship can never be overshadowed by the haywire content of the
internet
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is incorrect to say that
offline
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 institutions are not needed. In conclusion, we may say that the importance of
offline
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 institutions can never be displaced. Though the digital era could be an aiding hand to the
offline
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 medium of
instructions
Fix the agreement mistake
instruction
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, an alley can never be a wholesome alternative, and
therefore
Linking Words
, online
education
Use synonyms
 can never overcloud the existence of schools and colleges.
Submitted by zavkidm on

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Task Achievement
Maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay. While your argument is evident, occasionally it seems to waver slightly which may confuse readers regarding your stance.
Task Achievement
Develop arguments with more specific examples and evidence. Your essay provides a good range of ideas but could benefit from more detailed examples to illustrate points made.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a smooth progression of ideas. Transitions between paragraphs should be fluid, allowing the reader to follow your line of reasoning with ease.
Coherence and Cohesion
Aim to vary sentence structures to add interest and complexity to your writing. This will enrich the text and engage the reader more effectively.
Task Achievement
Be cautious of generalized statements and strive to provide balanced viewpoints, particularly if the essay topic requires a discussion of both sides.
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