IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that celebrities deserve more privacy than they have. Do you agree?

#people #celebrities #privacy
Nowadays, celebrities’ private
life
 is the most discussed topic for all ages of
people
.
However
, most famous stars
such
 as actresses singers and movie stars are really eager to keep another side of their
life
 in secret. I think it is good of them to try not to reveal personal information and lifestyle. In the present day and age, a
lot
 of
people
 are curious about celebrities’ personal lives
such
 as lifestyle, relationships and net worth. Day by day more and more
people
 are becoming interested in
this
 topic.
However
, for celebrities, it is better to not post their private
life
 on social media. Because it gives them several superiorities.
Firstly
, it can guarantee their safety. As they are famous they have a
lot
 of fans and haters as well. So the amount of their haters became stalkers. if the celebrities reveal location of their houses these types of
people
 will always follow them everywhere and
this
 situation can cause not only danger but
also
 discomfort.
Also
, most of the stars are wealthy and
this
 may entail a need for extra safety. That’s why they have bodyguards almost always.
On the other hand
, avoiding social media and
people
's attention is not a good option. Especially, for young actresses who want more attention from fans.
instead
, spreading more information about their lifestyle can help them to become more popular.
For instance
, videos, room tours and personal interviews about their idol are most welcomed by fans.
Moreover
,
this
 type of content costs a
lot
. and
this
 may be an extra income for them. Surprisingly a
lot
 of TV channels are ready to pay millions of dollars for interviews that
last
 1-2 hours. All in all, it seems to me that safety is way more important than popularity. and it is better to keep your private
life
 secret.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed and explained in detail.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your ideas are logically organized into paragraphs.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary and expressions.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: