The pie chart below shows the frequency of U.S. Adults’ online purchasing habits in 2015, while the bar chart shows a further classification denoting online purchasing preferences.

The pie chart below shows the frequency of U.S. Adults’ online purchasing habits in 2015, while the bar chart shows a further classification denoting online purchasing preferences.
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pie chart depicts the percentages of American adults’
habits spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
their money to buy goods in e-commerce
dividing
Wrong verb form
divided
show examples
in
Change the preposition
into
show examples
four criteria in 2015
while
the bar chart illustrates the preferences (in online or offline
store
) of
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
purchasing necessities which is separated
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
four different categories.
Overall
, men and women mostly tended to buy things less often
while
there were few shoppers in
Correct article usage
the U.S
show examples
U.S
Correct your spelling
U.S.
liked
Correct pronoun usage
who liked
show examples
buying stuff weekly.
However
, nowadays Americans like to purchase in offline
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
by online transfer
while
fewer people are cashless buying stuff in physical
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
, except weekly online customers.
To begin
with, 37%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
in America shopped
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
necessities less often
while
28% of them preferred to do it a few times a month. Afterwards, there were 20%
shoppers
Change preposition
of shoppers
show examples
that never had
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
things
in
Change preposition
on
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online
Correct article usage
the online
show examples
platform whilst there were 15%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
buying
Wrong verb form
bought
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
weekly.
In addition
, all, monthly, and less frequent online shoppers like to purchase goods
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
virtual money in physical
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
(above 60%, 50%,
80
Correct word choice
and 80
show examples
%) than in e-commerce (above 30%, 40%,
10
Correct word choice
and 10
show examples
%), respectively. Meanwhile, weekly online buyers prefer buying with digital money in online
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
(above 60%) than in offline
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
(above 30%).
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words store with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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