Water pollution has been an increasing problem over the last few decades. What causes water pollution? Companies, and Society How can we prevent this problem?

The
problem
of water pollution is a major one in the modern era and every country trying to find solutions for several decades. Currently,
this
problem
become the biggest debate that revolves around whether it should be
companies
or society that bear most of the prevention for that
problem
.
This
essay will look at both arguments and conclude about how to prevent water pollution.
To begin
with, some people argue that company is responsible for fixing our environmental problems because they have committed reprehensible crimes against the environment for decades. An example air pollution occurs
due to
pollutant substances entering water sources,
such
as insecticides, dirt, waste, fertilizer, and rubbish. But if we look at the other side, society will use things sold by
companies
, but after they are used, they
also
throw away random rubbish,
such
as in rivers or the sea.
On the other hand
,
companies
must change to sustainable, eco-friendly products and packaging. So people could still continue their normal shopping without having so much of a negative effect on the world. But of course, it took a long time to change habits for the company and society. In conclusion, both
companies
and individuals should take an active role in fixing the damage that they have done to the world or to the environment around them, It is indeed difficult to handle
this
, there will definitely be people and
companies
who are naughty. But, there must be awareness of each other. so that those who violate will be punished because environmental problems are a
problem
for all of us.
Submitted by waauliya011 on

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task achievement
The essay does not clearly state the writer's opinion on which entity should bear the most responsibility in preventing water pollution.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific examples to support the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally good, but there could be better organization of ideas within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of both arguments before reaching a conclusion. Additionally, the conclusion should restate the main idea and provide a final thought on the topic.
lexical resource
The essay lacks vocabulary variety and could use more advanced words and phrases.
grammatical range accuracy
The essay has a good range of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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