Write about the following topic: In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #countries #people #enrol #university #situation

It has become popular for the young to not pursue tertiary education, but to start work-based training

instead

Although

this

may have some advantages, in my opinion, not getting a

university

degree

has some significant disadvantages

Rephrase

apply

show examples

instead

. Vocational training increases

person's

Correct article usage

a person's

show examples

quality of life. Compared to students' tight

budget

Fix the agreement mistake

budgets

show examples

, a person with work-based training is able to become financially independent faster in life,

thus

, moving out from their parents sooner. They are able to start their career

form

Correct your spelling

from

show examples

an earlier age

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

gain knowledge from the workplace and become a professional in their field through years of practice. Some of the young people learn better

this

way

instead

of by reading. These factors are important to consider,

however

, I do think the

amount

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number

show examples

of possibilities the

university

degree

can bring clearly outweighs them. Some people may think that getting a

university

degree

is a waste of time

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apply

show examples

since it does not offer practical skills

besides

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

academic ones.

On the contrary

, I do think that by developing analytical and critical thinking, it is possible to pursue higher positions at work in the future by understanding complex structures and being able to read academic articles related to

latest

Correct article usage

the latest

show examples

trends in the field.

In addition

, academic years offer endless possibilities to socialize, create friendships and most importantly,

Change preposition

apply

show examples

network. Young people will miss

this

all out when choosing alternative training.

To conclude

, it's evident that

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apply

show examples

pursuing

on-the-job-training

Correct your spelling

on-the-job training

show examples

will create economic independence for a person faster in life,

however

, by getting a

university

degree

it's possible to go

further

careerwise.

Therefore

, I do think that

disadvantages

Correct article usage

the disadvantages

show examples

of not getting

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apply

show examples

academic knowledge

outweighs

Change the verb form

outweigh

show examples

the advantages that alternative training may provide.

Submitted by katja.otavina on Mon Oct 16 2023

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task achievement

Expand on the advantages and disadvantages of work-based training in more detail to provide a more thorough analysis.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas.

grammatical range accuracy

Consider using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your writing.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the introduction and conclusion to make them more engaging and impactful.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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