IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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These days, global inhabitants have various perspectives on environmental matters. A group of them think that the main problems are reducing the number of rare animals and planets
while
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 others believe that we have more crucial environmental issues. I subscribe to the second idea owing to the fact that loss of biodiversity and climate change are more essential obstacles. On the one hand, what is really important is that the figures of special types of wild creatures and planets are annihilated every time, so protecting them to prevent their destruction is really crucial. In fact, when governments spend a great deal of money on protecting them, they save some species of biodiversity
that is
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 from their areas and it is a sign of their countries.
For example
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, for the Persian Cheetah which is a symbol of Iran numbers are really few and creating a protective area is really important for saving them.
On the other hand
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, biological diversity and climate are two essential factors that have a lot of effect on the food chain inasmuch as when a lot of animals die out, the food chain alters.
In other words
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,
this
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 circulation has a lot of influence on the environment's survival and the level of human health.
In addition
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, when weather in one area alters,
then
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 a majority of habitats are injured. In fact, climate change is the main factor of deforestation in some regions.
for instance
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, if Arabestan becomes green fields by changing the method of rain, Iran's forests convert to the desert.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, saving rare creatures from extinction is a good trend.
However
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, solving other environmental problems,
such
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 as saving biodiversity and the ecosystem is more necessary because they have an impact on the environment.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports your thesis and is well-developed. The ideas can be made more explicit with clearer topic sentences and examples.
task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance clarity and engagement in your writing. This will help express your ideas more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor grammar and spelling errors, as small inaccuracies can distract from your argument.
task achievement
You provide a clear position on the issue, which is essential for a well-structured argument.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of different viewpoints regarding environmental issues, which adds depth to the discussion.
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