IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People think that using smart phone in public areas should be banned. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays,
smartphones
Use synonyms
 have become an important thing that
almost
Rephrase
apply
show examples
cannot be separated from our lives.
Although
Linking Words
 they have made communication much easier in each step of our daily lives, some societies argue that they should be reduced in public places
such
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 as libraries, shops and public vehicles. Personally, I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. The following paragraphs will explain my personal perspective
along with
Linking Words
 relevant examples. On the one hand, the factors that cause the public to think about decreasing gadgets in public places
,
Verb problem
are, firstly
show examples
firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 device can disturb others when they are concentrating.
For example
Linking Words
, the ringing of mobile phones can bother the community who are focused on reading or doing something in the library.
Then
Linking Words
, if
this
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 happens
continuously
Punctuation problem
continuously,
show examples
 it might make individuals feel uncomfortable.
Secondly
Linking Words
, gadgets can make humans antisocial. People prefer to be busy with their
smartphones
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as looking at social media or sending messages, rather than communicating with people who are nearby.
This
Linking Words
 can result in relationships between individuals becoming less intimate in real life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, phones can be very useful in case of
emergency
Correct article usage
an emergency
show examples
.
For instance
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, when an accident occurs in a public place, mobile phones can be used to contact families.
Furthermore
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, when
on
Verb problem
travelling on
show examples
 public vehicles to
travel
Verb problem
apply
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long distances, gadgets can provide entertainment. It can be used for taking pictures, recording videos, reading news, listening to music with headphones, and several other functions that are useful for reducing tedious
while
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 travelling. In conclusion, I am confident that
smartphones
Use synonyms
 should be prohibited from being used in public areas which cause interference with other society, especially in concentrating, like in
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
, and
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 driving.
However
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,
smartphones
Use synonyms
 must be allowed to be
utilized
Change the spelling
utilised
show examples
 in places that do not bother others
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as parks, shopping centres and public transportation.

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content
Be clear about your view in the opening and say it again at the end.
structure
Use easy linking words to join ideas, like first, also, but, for example.
content
Give one good example for each idea and explain what it shows.
language
Check grammar and use simple words to avoid errors.
organization
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and do not add many new points at once.
content
Your view is clear and you show both sides.
structure
The intro and conclusion fit the topic well.
content
The essay uses real life ideas to back points.
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