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Band 5.5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language
Development of countries with different paces results in immigration and a person who leaves his own
country
 has to struggle with
people
 who speak a foreign
language
, which can be a milestone in his life and cause acute problems in his social relations.
Although
 some
people
 can adapt themselves to every situation, I do subscribe to the idea that living in a foreign
country
 may seriously affect
people
’s lives, especially in making
friends
 and finding an occupation, which will be
further
 discussed.
Firstly
, we need
friends
 to speak, have fun, love, and be loved, but it is hard for us to make strong friendships with foreign
people
. Studies proved that
people
 who live in a foreign
country
 are more alone and the number of their
friends
 is much less.
Language
 is an important part of a
country
’s
culture
, and difference in
language
 means difference in
culture
. Similarities between two
people
 is the main factor in forming a friendship, and without similarity in
culture
, it is less likely to make
friends
.
Hence
, making new
friends
 may be an issue for
people
 who live in a foreign
country
.
In addition
, in order to pay the costs of living, it is necessary to find an appropriate job, and
this
 could be difficult if you are not living in a
country
 where your mother
language
 is spoken. Companies and institutes tend not to face problems, and they prefer to develop their business easily, so domestic
people
 who can speak and communicate easily are prior than immigrants.
On the other hand
, the difference in
culture
 which was mentioned can be a factor which makes the domestic
people
 more suitable.
Thus
, finding a job for an immigrant would be very competitive and considered an issue.
To conclude
, making
friends
 and finding an occupation may be socially annoying for an immigrant, and I believe that living in a foreign
country
 is a challenge in which you may be hurt. Eventually, some other experiences may occur, and they may be worth tolerating these problems.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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task achievement
The essay should clearly state the position of the writer; whether they agree or disagree with the statement.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points need more development and support with examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear overall structure. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and provide supporting details.
lexical resource
The essay needs to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
There are a few grammar errors that need to be corrected.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
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