IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Improving the citizens ‘
health
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 has many different ways,
although
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 some believe that, the best method is to raise
sports
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 equipment, others assume society needs other ways to achieve high quality of
health
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,
such
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 as enriching food and
also
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 avoiding using harmful materials which they are useful as body
activity
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. In my opinion, a variety of factors affect our
health
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. On the one hand, the benefits of
exercise
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activity
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 cannot be ignored, because, our body creates a majority of muscles and every one of them just becomes stronger with physical movement.
For example
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, if professional athletes are not active regularly, their bodies can become weak.
Secondly
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, when humans ‘hearts are active and pump rapidly within
sports
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activity
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, is are healthier and do not collect much fat around themselves.
Furthermore
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, blood pressure stays at a normal range. Even
people
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's brains improve with
exercise
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. So, the authorities have to prepare
sports
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 facilities more and more and encourage
people
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 to use them.
However
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, in my opinion,
sports
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 are not the only way to increase public
health
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.
On the other hand
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, to have a healthy society,
people
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 need to care about both their physical and mental aspects.
Firstly
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, food and overusing harmful substances
such
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 as drugs and alcohol have a huge drawback effect on
people
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's
health
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.
Therefore
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, if humans want to have healthy lives, they have to choose a rich lifestyle with a balanced diet, avoiding smoking and drinking alcohol and regular
exercise
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.
Moreover
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, the hectic days cause stress on peoples' minds so, they should care of their brain and their emotions, with relaxing activities
such
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 as meditation, and yoga, and being in touch with nature, which can help them stay in a normal mood. In conclusion,
although
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 improving
exercise
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 with increasing
sports
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 facilities has a positive effect on public
health
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, in my opinion, to have a healthy life, not only doing regular
exercise
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 but
also
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 a balanced diet and some other relaxing
activity
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 is really necessary.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion to enhance the structure of the essay. Ensure that all parts of the essay are fully aligned with the essay prompt and provide relevant examples to support the main points.
Task Achievement
The essay lacks a clear response to the task as it does not fully address both views presented in the prompt. Make sure to address both viewpoints thoroughly and provide more specific and relevant examples to support the main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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