In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
It seems that in some nations there is a dramatic rise in individuals` average weight yet a decline in their levels of health and fitness. I aim to identify the sources of
this
issue as well as
some viable solutions to it.
There must be some reasons why people
are becoming obese and not in good shape. Chief among these causes is the advent of social media which leads People
to sit and spend long hours scrolling on their smartphones, leading to health problems such
as obesity and heart disease. Another contributing factor is that they do not adhere to a healthy diet. Not only a considerable increase in junk food restaurants and related charming advertisements but also
its convenience draw
Correct subject-verb agreement
draws
people
`s attention. Take SnapFood as a salient example, food will be in front of their door immediately by merely sending a message. Subcequently
, the more fast food and greasy dishes Correct your spelling
Subsequently
people
consume, the less healthy and more overweight they will become, resulting in detrimental consequences.
In order to resolve this
, I believe we must first address its root causes and they should be taken into consideration by individuals as well as
the government. Individuals should be responsible for their healthiness for instance
by joining sports clubs, doing regular exercise, and also
avoiding harmful meals ;however
, it is easier said than done. Furthermore
, the government should tackle this
issue by encouraging people
to participate in outdoor activities entailing cycling and collaborative competitions and also
by providing them with public equipment and free clubs, mitigating economic concerns associated with sports.
By way of conclusion, it is absurd that some people
turn a blind eye into
their weight and fitness. The causes should be taken into account by both individuals and the government to create a healthier lifestyle.Change preposition
to
Submitted by ieltsacademic77 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the task with an introduction and conclusion. However, try to include more specific examples and details to support each argument.
coherence
The logical flow of the essay can be improved by using more transition words and ensuring that each paragraph naturally leads to the next. This will enhance the overall readability of your essay.
cohesion
While the main points are mostly supported, strive for clearer connections between ideas. Expanding on why solutions are effective or needed can increase the clarity and depth of your response.
structure
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a well-rounded response to the task.
analysis
You have identified several key factors contributing to the issue, which is commendable. This shows good analysis of the topic.
examples
Examples such as mentioning SnapFood highlight your point effectively, making your argument more relatable and concrete.