In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

It seems that in some nations there is a dramatic rise in individuals` average weight yet a decline in their levels of health and fitness. I aim to identify the sources of
this
issue
as well as
some viable solutions to it. There must be some reasons why
people
are becoming obese and not in good shape. Chief among these causes is the advent of social media which leads
People
to sit and spend long hours scrolling on their smartphones, leading to health problems
such
as obesity and heart disease. Another contributing factor is that they do not adhere to a healthy diet. Not only a considerable increase in junk food restaurants and related charming advertisements but
also
its convenience
draw
Correct subject-verb agreement
draws
show examples
people
`s attention. Take SnapFood as a salient example, food will be in front of their door immediately by merely sending a message.
Subcequently
Correct your spelling
Subsequently
, the more fast food and greasy dishes
people
consume, the less healthy and more overweight they will become, resulting in detrimental consequences. In order to resolve
this
, I believe we must first address its root causes and they should be taken into consideration by individuals
as well as
the government. Individuals should be responsible for their healthiness
for instance
by joining sports clubs, doing regular exercise, and
also
avoiding harmful meals ;
however
, it is easier said than done.
Furthermore
, the government should tackle
this
issue by encouraging
people
to participate in outdoor activities entailing cycling and collaborative competitions and
also
by providing them with public equipment and free clubs, mitigating economic concerns associated with sports. By way of conclusion, it is absurd that some
people
turn a blind eye
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
their weight and fitness. The causes should be taken into account by both individuals and the government to create a healthier lifestyle.
Submitted by ieltsacademic77 on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the task with an introduction and conclusion. However, try to include more specific examples and details to support each argument.
coherence
The logical flow of the essay can be improved by using more transition words and ensuring that each paragraph naturally leads to the next. This will enhance the overall readability of your essay.
cohesion
While the main points are mostly supported, strive for clearer connections between ideas. Expanding on why solutions are effective or needed can increase the clarity and depth of your response.
structure
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a well-rounded response to the task.
analysis
You have identified several key factors contributing to the issue, which is commendable. This shows good analysis of the topic.
examples
Examples such as mentioning SnapFood highlight your point effectively, making your argument more relatable and concrete.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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