IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays all over the world, people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits, TV channels. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#differences #countries #year #world #people #fashions #brands #habits #tv #channels #trend
In the globalization
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 many receive the same media and adopt a homogeneous culture in terms of entertainment, fashion and other areas as
such
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there are some
people
 who believe that it will lose the identities of their culture and civilization.
This
 essay shall discuss
further
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides of
this
 phenomenon. The improvements in communication technologies have increased cultural and language interchange between
countries
.
For example
,
people
 easily receive a trend
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fashion, devices, lifestyle and languages from foreign
countries
 and follow them
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the young generation.
Thus
,
people
 wear the same clothes, use the same devices, eat the same food, listen to the same music, watch the same movies and speak the same language. It is a good phenomenon in some aspects
such
 as it is not difficult to help each other to develop the world to be
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 civilized place and to be friends with foreign
people
 without boundaries.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages of globalization,
such
 as the loss of traditional customs which have begun to melt with foreign ones and will later disappear.
Therefore
, many
countries
 are going to lose their identity
such
 as traditional clothes, manners and ethics.
Additionally
,
people
 are not as healthy as they were in the past because they always eat unhealthy food
according to
 the trends of modern society and advertisements.
To conclude
,
Although
 many are worrying about
to forfeit
Change the verb form
forfeiting
show examples
 their identity, I agree that the advantages of
this
 phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages.
However
, we need to preserve the cultural identity and protect our
countries
 from the deterioration of the good merits.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Provide a more detailed introduction that introduces the topic and establishes a clear thesis statement.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant specific examples to support your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your conclusion summarizes your main points and provides a clear final stance on the issue.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Cross-cultural communication
  • Assimilation
  • Homogenization
  • Acculturation
  • Traditional customs
  • Local economies
  • Diversity
  • Inclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!