Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #say #population #governments #society

Nowadays

society

is concerned about the issue of older

people

living longer. Some

people

think that

this

group

population

brings problems for governments. Even though the elderly

population

group

also

gives a lot of positive moments and benefits for the

society

This

topic is very controversial but, in my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The main disadvantage of

this

area of social questions is social insurance and pension payments, which are paid from

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

budget. In order to maintain a good standard and quality of living for

this

group

society

, it is necessary to constantly analyse the prices for medicines, food, medical care, and social services (

for example

transport

Correct article usage

the transport

show examples

system). In

this

case, price

changing

Replace the word

changes

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

categories is directly related to the amount of payments from

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

budget.

However

, the budget is mainly related to ordinary taxpayers.

As a result

, the percentage of taxes may not always be constant and ordinary

people

may pay more taxes to

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

On the other hand

, there is a very important advantage in

this

situation. Most seniors interact very closely with other groups of

population

Add an article

the population

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because at

this

period of

time

Add a comma

time,

show examples

they mostly want to spend their time with their family and

people

they know very well. It provides the opportunity to fill everyday life with positive emotions, various activities and movements.

Also

, it should not be forgotten that seniors have invaluable experience and knowledge, which they can share

Change preposition

with

show examples

a younger generation.

This

can have a positive impact on the formation of the

society

in future. In conclusion, it seems to me that processing

Remove the article

apply

show examples

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

is more beneficial. There is an exchange of positive emotions and knowledge between the

group

of older

people

and all groups of

population

Add an article

the population

show examples

Submitted by fedorusa2016 on Thu Oct 19 2023

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.

grammatical range accuracy

Check your grammar for errors and strive for more sentence variety.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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