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Band 6.5

Some people think that it is beneficial to travel abroad, but others think it is unnecessary because we have the internet and TV. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #travel #internet #tv
Technology has found its way into every aspect of our lives, including the way we travel.Some
people
 argue that travelling to other countries has positive effects on
people
,
while
 other thinks we have a mode of entertainment, we can enjoy abroad
while
 sitting at home. In my opinion, I agree with the notion that
people
 should travel abroad for
experience
 .
This
 essay will discuss both viewpoints.
To begin
 with,
people
 nowadays feel trapped in their houses and feel stressed and depressed.If they were given a virtual tour of other countries , they would feel energetic and it cost-effective as well.
In addition
 to that,
people
 in the era of Covid were trapped and couldn't go outside,there were strict rules for travelling
along with
 restrictions.
For example
, In the era of virtual reality, we can create a virtual space of a destination
along with
 famous sceneries which
people
 can enjoy without spending a lot
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 extravagant hotels and plane tickets.
Besides
this
, in my opinion, the value of real-life
experience
 is a must in every person's life, learning a different language and culture is an
experience
 in itself.
Firstly
, without real-time
experience
,
people
 can miss many different places and
ambience
Correct article usage
the ambience
show examples
 of many beautiful places.
Secondly
,
people
 can enjoy quality time
together with
 family or friends ,which is not possible in virtual reality.
For instance
, I have seen a series "The Crown" which is based in England but I still don't know anything about there.
Therefore
, real-life
experience
 outweighs more advantages of TV and the internet. In conclusion,having mulled over
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 information ,
it is clear that
people
 should
experience
 it in person which is the best way to enjoy and feel a different country.
However
, different
people
 have different opinions, sometimes
people
 do not have enough money to afford international travel.
Submitted by rajparul86 on

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task achievement
Provide a clear and direct statement of your opinion in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas into clear paragraphs.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on sentence structure and grammar accuracy.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • opportunity
  • exposure
  • cultural diversity
  • explore
  • immersive experience
  • language proficiency
  • intercultural communication
  • networking
  • global perspective
  • adaptability
  • experience new things
  • broaden horizons
  • virtual resources
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • information overload
  • virtual reality
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • empathy
  • appreciation
  • unique
  • memorable
  • transformative
  • educational
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