The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to solve this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Obesity
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is a contentious issue debated nowadays, as many
people
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struggle with the challenge of losing weight. Some
people
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believe that
exercise
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is the best way to solve
this
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problem.
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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statement because
food
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consumption contributes most to overweight.
This
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essay will examine key points regarding how
food
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impacts
obesity
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To begin
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with, there are various reasons why
people
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are overweight.
Firstly
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, lack of physical activity is a major factor. In our daily lives, we see many
people
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who do not
exercise
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as much as they should
due to
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reasons
such
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as work.
This
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lack of physical activity leads to overweight.
For example
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, many jobs today require
people
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to sit at a desk and work in front of a screen,
such
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as administrative positions, programming jobs, and other office-based roles.
Secondly
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, another reason for being overweight is a lack of
awareness
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regarding the consumption of junk
food
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. Junk
food
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is particularly dangerous, as it contributes significant amounts of unnecessary sugar, fats, and sodium to our bodies, which in turn
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to health issues, including
obesity
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. Some
people
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believe that increasing
exercise
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is the best way to solve the
obesity
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problem.
However
Linking Words
, from my perspective, raising
awareness
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about
food
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consumption is the best approach to
address
Wrong verb form
addressing
show examples
overweight. When
people
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understand how unhealthy
food
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impacts our bodies and leads to health issues, it will promote
awareness
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and encourage more careful choices about the
food
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they consume. In conclusion, many
people
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struggle with gaining excess weight
due to
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various reasons.
Although
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some believe that physical
exercise
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will solve
this
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problem, I think that raising
awareness
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about the importance of understanding what the body needs from
food
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is the best way to address
this
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issue.
Submitted by masry.pakpahan on

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task achievement
Though the essay introduces a counter-argument, it could be further developed or refuted to show a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a consistent use of linking words and complex structures to enhance fluency and cohesion in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the issue and the writer's position, setting up the essay effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the points made, such as the impact of sedentary jobs and junk food.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s viewpoint.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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