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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Unfortunately,
children
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 who grow up in households which are not financially stable
,
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 may have to deal with challenges any kids should not face.
In contrast
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, kids from rich families are more protected from
such
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 problems in a certain way, because they do not have economic issues.
Overall
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, not having so much money can lead to a lack of first necessity needs like food or clothes,
as a result
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,
children
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 sometimes need to start working
an
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at an
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 early age of their life. Unluckily, they found occupations which are often not legal, in fact, recently is very common to see kids starting a criminal career in groups known as ''baby gangs''. The data suggests, roughly 90% of members of those criminal organizations are from poor families.
Consequently
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, being exposed to
such
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 a large amount of violence
,
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 could make them grow faster compared to an average child of the same age.
On the other hand
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, wealthier families are more likely to educate their
children
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 to confront life's problems.
For example
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, it is far more common among them to go to university, to travel abroad, and to have a variety of experiences which can make them grow up in a more sustainable way.
In addition
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, taking their parents as an example, they can learn a lot from them. In conclusion, I believe that how
children
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 are prepared for adult life is only not
due to
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 the financial situation of their family, but
also
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 to how they are educated to face problems.
For instance
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, a rich kid can have fully unsupportive parents resulting he having to learn how to live only by himself. At the same time, a poor kid could have extremely protective parents who make him live in a sort of
a
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bubble, not letting them make mistakes which they can learn from.

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Coherence
To improve coherence, try using a clearer transition between different sections of your essay. For example, use phrases like 'On the contrary,' or 'However,' to guide the reader.
Task Achievement
In your main body paragraphs, ensure that each point is accompanied by specific examples to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Although your conclusion is well-written, summarizing key points discussed in the body would enhance the task completion.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
Content
You addressed the question well and developed a balanced perspective considering both viewpoints.
Language
The essay demonstrates good use of vocabulary relevant to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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