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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?

#punishment #countries #argue #parents #right #children
The issue of how to discipline
children
 has always been a contentious topic among
parents
. Despite being prohibited by law in many countries, some
parents
 insist that corporal
punishment
 is the most effective way to discipline their
children
. I strongly disagree with
this
 viewpoint because physical
punishment
 deteriorates the intimate relationship and triggers more
behaviour
Replace the word
behavioural
show examples
 issues. Primarily, corporal
punishment
 permanently damages the relationship between
parents
 and young
children
. Psychologically, when juveniles are physically punished, they cry not just from the pain but
also
due to
 the erosion of trust and intimacy they originally had with their caregivers. Young minds are unable to extract the intended lesson from physical pain.
Instead
, they are likely to feel unloved.
Furthermore
, physical
punishment
 destroys the trust between the young and their
parents
.
For instance
, if one 12-year-old boy is struck by his father for cheating in an exam, he may lose confidence in his father’s ability to be content with his academic performance or
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
tolerate any of his
further
 mistakes.
Consequently
, he will resort to other means of cheating again. More significantly, corporal discipline leads to more
behaviour
 problems,
such
 as violence and dishonesty. Specifically, violent
behaviour
 can be passed from
parents
 to their
children
. Researchers have found that
children
 who are subjected to violent
punishment
 are more likely to exhibit aggressive
behaviour
 towards others. As for the dishonesty, it arises from the fear of physical
punishment
. It is natural for people to lie in order to avoid severe consequences. In conclusion,
while
 physical
punishment
 may appear effective in the short term, it damages the parent-
children
 relationship and can result in troublesome behaviours.
Submitted by jxncindy on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that presents the main idea of the paragraph. Additionally, use transitional words and phrases to create a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
Provide a more comprehensive discussion of the opposing viewpoint and explain why you disagree with it. Additionally, elaborate more on the impact of physical punishment on children's behavior and relationships.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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