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Band 8.5

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a species of large fish called salmon

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The diagrams represent the wheel of life of salmon.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are three stages in reproduction,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
the first step is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 for eggs to become big fish. Salmons their eggs into small stones to slowly move to reeds at the upper river and
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 linger for approximately half a year. In the following stage, the zygotes hatches become fries (3-8 cm), and migrate to fast influxing for roughly four years. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 low watercourse, baby fishes evolve into smolts (12-15 cm). Junville across the estuary migrates to the open sea and grows into adult fishes. Salmons that have been grown stay for a long time in the blue ocean nearly half a decade.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is followed by males mating their mates to breed and the females carry eggs in their bellies. The final stage is when
,
Remove the comma
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It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction when. Consider removing the comma.

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 adults itenerate to their habitat when they are born, and salmons’ life cycle continues from the roes.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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